You can create something different…

Twelve years ago I was in a very dark place in my life. I was at a point where I just didn’t see any future or any hope of a better future. I was isolated, had just ended an engagement to a man who turned out to be crazy, I lived in a Midwestern town in the middle of winter, and I was scared to death. A psychic (which I didn’t believe in at the time), told me words that have become a mantra for my life. She said, “You are a powerful woman. You created this. You can create something different.”

Me on the beach in Kona in March 2012

I began a journey in that moment that has come in fits and starts, but its inevitable outcome was creating a life that I love. Its elements may not be the ones you want for yourself, but the journey toward the vision and the somewhat rocky trip to the land of hope can be a motivation for you to create the life you love. You do have the power within you. And, I’m not talking about “The Secret.” I minimally believe in that concept. What I am talking about is a journey of surrender to what is, of loving yourself the way you are, of taking the best parts of yourself and building something that resonates with your soul even if you are 40, 50, 60 or even older. It’s mainly about learning to listen to yourself and taking some risks with your life.

For me, the past 10 years or so has been about learning to pray, learning to surrender to God’s plan for me, learning to ask for help and connecting to that little curly haired girl who was ignored and silenced by my own and others vision of what a “successful” life looked like. I want to share the work I’ve done. I also want to share with you the day to day struggles that I still battle in order to stay grounded in this life that changes every moment. I want to share resources that were helpful to me as I’ve gone through divorce, addiction recovery, financial upheaval and various other life struggles. I hope that you will find it helpful. If not, I hope you will find it funny and hopeful. If nothing else, I have learned to laugh as I move through this.

I went through a divorce in 2007 which was very painful. I’ll talk about it in future posts because it’s a huge part of my story and who I am today. But, suffice it to say that it was one of the most terrifying events of my life. I loved that man even though he was not good for me…and, YES, you can love someone that is not good for you. It tore my heart in half to let go of that dream. But, one of the most terrifying things I faced was the prospect of being single at 48. I HATED the idea. It was the one thing I could not accept and I couldn’t face, because, you see, in my mind…being single was being unlovable….yes, unlovable. It was the kiss of death.

An acquaintance recommended a book to me that I read and read and re-read and re-read again. It was by Judy Ford, and it was called Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent. If you are facing the unthinkable…being Single again….read this book. You are not ready to read this if you are still grieving your divorce. That’s a different issue. This is about moving forward, about imagining some hope of happiness when you are in that “in between” place at the end of a relationship or if you’ve just always felt second class because you were not able to maintain a relationship.

For now, know that a life beyond your wildest dreams is possible. I’m 51, and I know it to be true. More to come….

23 Comments on “You can create something different…

  1. Absolutely sensational, Sharon … Don’t stop … It’s helping me to learn too … Smiles

  2. This entry is just like you…wonderful, fabulous, entertaining, honest, insightful, clear, direct and open. Way to go! I look forward to your future posts.

  3. Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to reading more. You are fantastic!

  4. Look at you!!
    You have grown by leaps & bounds in spite of yourself!!
    I am so excited for you & I look forward to reading future blogs.
    BTW…I gave you my personal email but, since I use my mobile phone to access FB, I wonder if I should have used that email address (which is different from my personal email. You can let me know)
    Grest job, Sharon! Keep doing what you’re doing!

  5. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to more posts. I too felt that single meant unlovable. I’m starting (after 10 years divorced) to change my thinking on that…

    • Awesome, Lisa. It’s a daily thing for me…feeling unlovable even today. But, I really think its a universal feeling whether you are married or single. I probably felt as unlovable when I was married as I ever did. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Thanks for sharing yourself and letting others get to know the real you.

  7. Divorce as the kiss of death; yep, I know what you mean. I was married for 12 years, and have been high on the peaks and really low in the valleys for 296 days since it was finalized. I am committed to learning divorce doesn’t mean we are destined to live half a life. I wish the learning curve was quicker. Glad you did this blog, pardon me while I take notes.

    • Roger, take all the notes you want and please add your own. I learned from everybody. Divorce may not be a universal experience but grief and loss are universal and so is fear. I’d love for this to be a discussion! I’m learning every day!

  8. Awesome!! Good for you for having the courage to share your story. I have no doubt that it will be beneficial to others. I for one am very proud of you and of the woman you have become! Can’t wait for future posts! Very well written by the way. That’s the reporter coming out in you.

  9. Its great to finaly find out that we all share the same emotions and feeling that stem from divorce. We are not alone. The first thing is the grieving process but not unil we actually love ourselves can we begin to move on and attempt to find love again. I like the fact that you share your feelings with us who read but realize your not alone. There is a inner kid in side each of us that always want and needs to be loved. God allows us to find true happiness in his time. I guess he hasnt finished with me yet. Lol. But I am trying to be paitent.
    I am so glad to have rekindled our friendship. Keep up the good work young lady.

    • Thanks, Billy. I was surprised at how many men posted on this one. I think it’s a great topic that deserves future exploration. Stay tuned…

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  11. Reblogged this on Midlife Moments and commented:

    On August 12 of last year, I started blogging. This week, I’d like to re-blog some of my favorites and hopefully some of yours. I’ve picked up some followers along the way, and I know most of you are not going to catch up on the ones you missed. Monica, you are an exception. 🙂 This first post was my first blog post. I’m re-reading it tonight, and I think I’ve created what I wanted to create. I have to say that I wrote it and then I never re-read it. I just hoped that my goal had not changed very much – although I am willing to change my goals all the time. I hope you enjoy, and please take the time to read the comments. Over the course of the year, many other bloggers and friends have posted their thoughts. I’d love to hear yours, too! Happy reading, and I’m going to take a week to start a new life in Baton Rouge!

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