The Balding of the Beaver

Dating has changed a lot in the past 30 or so years. I dated between my two marriages in the late 90s, but the culture has changed since then, too. I met my second husband in a classified ad in the newspaper. A lot of people frown on that, but you still have to do all the same legwork. It’s just a way to meet somebody. In the past two years, I’ve been doing a lot of online dating. It’s the way to go if you want to meet people especially if you haven’t lived in the town forever. And, I’m really busy.

I’ve had a lot of fun with it. I haven’t had many relationships from it. Some of them weren’t attracted to me. I wasn’t attracted to some of them. Many of them have become friends but not romantic partners. Suffice it to say that there have only been one or two that I was willing to invest some time with to see if we might be compatible. One of them, and I’ll call him Greg, was a really cool guy. He was into the outdoors like me. He loved hunting and fishing. He had an upbeat outlook and loved to laugh. We just really hit it off. One of the things I really liked was he was as busy as I was. We practically had to have a secretary to find time to be together, but we did. As things progressed a bit, I started to think that it was time to take it to the next level. And, as this culture does now, we started texting about our upcoming “opportunity”.

Greg: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure
Greg: I like my woman with little or no body hair if I may be so bold. I’m just askin’.
Me:

Well….I didn’t know what to say. He’s asking me to shave…or wax..totally?? The last time I had sex with somebody was when I was with my ex, and he was perfectly fine with my body hair. (And, if you don’t get it, we’re talking about pubic hair here.) The topic was just not something that had ever been brought up to me before, and I naively never knew that anybody did anything different with pubic hair than just clean it up a bit for a happy event such as this.

Well, then I got a little irritated. First of all, “my woman”. Really???? He’s certainly not talking about me. I haven’t been with him yet. So, he’s ordering me up like he “likes his steak medium rare.” It just didn’t sit right with me. The only thing I could rationalize was that this guy was used to having women the way he wanted them when he wanted them. Pornography..…So, I called him. I know he was so excited to hear from me; we were already having a “talk”. “How much porn do you use?,” I asked. Well, he started blubbering, “WHAT??….not much…some…well, when my friends email it to me.” He’d had this conversation before. He went on to tell me that his ex had put a moratorium on porn in the house, so he subscribed to Playboy to spite her. Hmmmmmm…..I had to really think about this. This wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. I was used to men who were just so damn happy to have me in their bed that they wouldn’t have cared what I did with my pubic hair much less risk the opportunity of it happening by making a request like this.

So, I needed to do a little research. I mean, I could be naive. Maybe Momma didn’t teach me right about grooming my nether regions. I am a country gal. So, I called a friend of mine. She was stunned. She’d never heard of this either. So, she called her 20 year old daughter.

My Friend: Honey, when I tell you that I’m going to ask you a personal question, I mean it’s a really personal question.
Her daughter: What is it, Momma?
My friend: Do you have pubic hair?
Her daughter: No, Momma. It’s gross. Nobody does. Well, one girl does but everybody makes fun of her.

WOW!! When did this happen? A culture had shifted while I was in a married bedroom, and I had no idea. It’s not like women run around naked with each other when you’re adults. And, well, you just don’t really have a need to discuss your pubic hair. And neither one of my husbands was into porn, so all they really saw was me. I called one of my best friends. She had been married for 20 something years and had started dating again after a divorce. I knew she was sexually active so maybe she could tell me what I should do. When I told her what happened, she said the same thing happened to her. Well, the guy told her AFTER they had sex the first time. She was mortified. That’s what she said…mortified. Is that how you should feel after sex? She felt like he thought she was disgusting and dirty.

Dating Tips for Guys:

  1. Do not text this request to a woman you have not seen naked.
  2. In the afterglow of a first sexual encounter with a woman you like, do not spoil the moment by asking her to shave her pubic hair.

They are both DEAD END MOVES.

She got a Brazilian Wax to see what it was like. She took the choice to continue doing it because she liked it. But, she never saw him again.

Well, this was all very interesting. So, I talked with a male friend of a friend on Facebook about my latest discovery. He said that most of the women our age don’t shave or wax except for just “grooming”. Some of the younger women do the full Brazilian Wax on a regular basis. He liked it, but he said he also feels a little funny about liking it. The pedophilia image gets in the way for him. In the end, he prefers a nicely groomed pubic area but he doesn’t request it up front.

One of my friends is a psychology major, and she said that they studied this cultural shift in their gender issues class. There is a whole generation of men and women running around without pubic hair. This generation was raised in an era where pornography was readily available on the internet. So, whatever the porn industry published became a norm. It certainly doesn’t mean there is anything pornographic about it, it’s just the way it came about. I remember when I grew up, and Playboy was all about the full “bush”. It’s just a change in the culture. It’s so popular that, in some areas, there are shops called The Pretty Kitty that do just waxing. And, this isn’t just the norm for women, most younger men are hair free as well. I certainly don’t get that; I sort of like a man with hair. It just seems …..well….manly.

The irony is that its supposed to be more hygienic, but in my research, the medical field says its just the opposite. When you wax, the “ripped out” hair follicles create small wounds that are in an area that’s really not the most sanitary area on the body. And, a physician friend of mine treated a woman who had a Brazilian wax, and she was burned. When the wax was pulled off, it pulled the skin off. It was a very serious injury. I don’t imagine she’ll be getting another one.

So, let’s get back to my story. I eventually decided to try out my options before deciding what I’d do with this little fashion dilemma. I mean, I’m an adventurous woman. And, I won’t tell you what I settled on because that’s not internet material for this girl. But, I can tell you that I told this guy that he was not a candidate for me. I told him that at a time when I should be excited about having sex with someone I really liked, I was losing sleep over what to do with my pubic hair. It just really spoiled the mood. Sure, he gave me a choice, but would I really want to get vulnerable with someone when I already knew they didn’t like something about me? Or, worse yet, do I want to start changing myself for a man before he’s even had a chance to experience me?

What I’ve really decided is it’s a personal choice. There are pros and cons for both “styles”. But, men, if you care more about how I fashion my pubic hair than you do about respecting me and my choices, we’re not a good match. Besides, isn’t there some mystery about what a woman looks like under all those clothes? Are you really that scared of what you will find that you have to spoil it? Or worse yet, hurt her. There are some women who just don’t know. Send them a link to this blog. 🙂

If you want to know more, here’s a great article about this cultural shift in “the Atlantic”.

The New Full-Frontal: Has Pubic Hair Gone Extinct in America?

20 thoughts on “The Balding of the Beaver

      • I have shown your Blog to my co workers and they thought it was GREAT… One guy wanted a copy to bring home to his wife. Others thought what a GREAT TOPIC. So maybe you will pick up a couple more followers. Hell maybe even a couple 20 somethings…

      • That would be cool. Thanks for sharing. Now, what are you guys doing talking about beaver at work? 😉

    • Thanks for sharing. A woman should be able to have a preference if she feels strongly either way. It is her body and her expression of herself.

  1. And I thought that not shaving under your armpits was the biggest “No! No!” on the hairy vs not hairy debate. Sorry fellas; if anything ever happens to my hubbie (God forbid) and I end up on the market again….don’t think I’ll bother! I’ll just stick to my cats! They love me just the way I am…just like my darling hubbie does nowxx

    • Love your thoughts, Davina. I also love your husbands comment on the matter. Thanks for reading my blog. Can’t wait to dine with you today….hair or no hair!!

    • You and me both! I have made a vow to have a conversation with every woman I know who is re-entering the dating world so they don’t get shocked like I did. Luckily, I have a big mouth, and I asked around. Otherwise, I may have just assumed I was always sporting the wrong style.

      Additionally, I think it is an interesting phenomena that the cultural expectations would shift and even some mothers don’t know that their daughters have a different paradigm. It’s just another body image issue women have to deal with.

  2. Oh my!!
    You really are my hero!!
    When did you become the new Carrie Bradshaw?! I love, LOVE, your insight & how beautifully written this blog was done.
    You bring respect back for the single woman where it had been missing for so long. Excellent choice you made with “Greg” too. Rock on my little Southern Belle!
    By the way, love the pic of your “beaver”!!

    • Haha…you are too much, Irene. And, I’ve been called Carrie Bradshaw more than once today! I haven’t even seen that show. I talked to another woman today who was shamed by another woman because she didn’t go Brazilian. Why do we do that to each other?

  3. For a guy who came of age when Hugh Hefner and Bob Gucionne were waging the “pubic hair wars”, this is something that makes life even more confusing these days. And for FWIW, I am sure your Momma taught you well. I am equally sure this is a topic that never came up!

    • Haha…it came up when this happened. We totally laughed about it. She wanted to comment on the blog but couldn’t figure out how to do it! Thanks for reading , Robbie.

  4. I had this exact conversation with a girlfriend. It’s all a personal choice. This is defintely a conversation for us to have whenever we have dinner!

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