The Best Breakup Scene Ever……
My Facebook pals help me with my blog topics on occasion. Funny thing is, many of my Facebook friends I’ve never met in person, but we talk frequently on Facebook. I love that. I ran into one of them last night at Starbucks. “I know you,” I said. I had no clue from where, but the face was really familiar. “I’m one of your Facebook friends. I’m Keith,” he said. Oh, yeah! Keith also reads and comments on my blog. I probably never would have know him otherwise. So, today I posted on Facebook that I was writing about how to dump somebody. Men and women chimed in with jokes and some serious banter on what is a good way to do it and what is not.
As for me, I’m been on both ends of the “dumping” equation numerous times. The worst one was when I dumped a guy I really liked because I could tell we were just not a fit with our communication and lifestyles. I told him vaguely that I thought our approach to life was very different, and I didn’t see how we could make anything work. He came back with an long list of all my shortcomings so that I understood he was going to dump me anyway. Now, why did he do that? I tried to be very respectful of him and not make him “wrong”, but he chose the exact opposite approach. My self-esteem went down the toilet for a few days until a friend told me that he was probably doing that because of his ego. Well, great…so I had to suffer? Well, kiss my grits…
The one thing I have realized in dating relationships (this does not include long-term significant other relationships) is that the whole dating thing is an exploration over whether or not you are a match. The exploration can last for one date or 6 months, but it takes a long time to know what someone is really like and whether or not you want to pursue something long term. There are so many things to consider:
Everytime I get dumped, I immediately think there was something they didn’t like about me. But, the truth is, unless you’ve known somebody for a long time, they really don’t know you. They may have an idea of who they think you are, and you might think you know who they are, but neither is true. So, the reality is that, for some reason, you are not compatible. It’s really not about you. But, it always FEELS personal. The truth is that one person’s pet peeve is another person’s preferred style. So, for anybody to tell you that something is WRONG with you because you don’t act/look/react/smell right, that’s just crap. You are just not their cup of tea.
I avoid any kind of explanation as to why I’m not interested. I say something like “I don’t think we’re a match” or “I don’t think we’re looking for the same thing.” I usually use the latter when they are eager to get married right away or have sex on the first date. And, I’ve seen both. I actually had one guy ask if he could spend the night on our first date, and then he got offended because I asked him to go to Tupelo for the weekend a month later. He thought that was way too fast. And, sleeping with me on the first date was not? Explain that to me. But, I ALWAYS say something. I owe them that. Even if they are not very nice to me, I have to be responsible for my side of the street.
In general, my girlfriends have all said in some form or fashion:
My guy friends, on the other hand, seem to be more….ahem….passive (or passive-aggresive):
I’m not making any judgments about this, but I had more women tell me of the painful breakups they had where someone just disappeared or ended a relationship by not calling as often and then dropping it altogether. It leaves us hanging and we’re not sure if it’s over or why. We actually don’t get the message that quickly. So, if you’re a man and are delusional that just dropping off the face of the earth is somehow less hurtful, wake up. It’s probably more hurtful.
I asked some friends to text me their worst breakup stories:
Lisa #1: I dated this guy for 2 years. We went to a party one night with friends, and the night ended just as usual. He said he’d call the next day. It’s been a year, and I haven’t heard from him since.
Lisa #2: Two weeks ago I met someone online. We clicked. I met some of his friends. We spent Sunday together. He said, “I’ll call you later tonight. Haven’t heard from him. He’s been on the site regularly so I know he’s alive and well. Told me I was his soulmate. He’d been looking for someone like me for 48 years. Argh!
John: I was with someone who got very offended when I proposed “friends with benefits.” She repeatedly brought up my failings (during the relationship) and how she could not marry someone with such failings. So I said I understood and proposed that we be friends with benefits until Mr. Right came along, and then I would gracefully exit. I think she expected me to promise to change. She got very offended at what I thought was a logical solution to a dilemma that seemed to be causing her stress.
Elizabeth: (She dated a guy long distance for 8 months. She rented her house, got a temporary job and was moving closer to him to see if they could make it a “go.”) He just switched off and stopped contacting me. Then, when I called he pretended we’d always been just pals.
Teri: I had a guy avoid me on Valentine’s Day. I freaked out. He came over and told me that it doesn’t feel right anymore.
My favorite breakup songs. Enjoy!
Jaron Wood – Pray for You
Tim McGraw – Please Remember Me
George Strait – Give It Away