My cell phone rang at work today. It was not a number I had marked in my contact list.
Woman on the other end of the line: Hi. This is Debbie A____. Are you on Match.com?
Me: Yes (Where is this going?)
Woman: Did you meet someone named Robert A_____.
Me: Name sounds familiar. But, I can’t place him.
Woman: He is a U.S. Marshall.
Me: (OMG…I remember that jerk.) Oh, yes! I remember him. He was a jerk. You his wife?
Me: Well, what do you want to know?
She wanted to know where and when we went out, how many times we went out and why I thought he was just looking for sex. I knew that pretty immediately when he started getting really suggestive over text after our first and only date. I told him that I don’t sleep around very quickly. The interaction went quickly downhill as he was very angry that I wanted “to put all these parameters on things.” Well, sorry, pal. I don’t even know you, and I found you on the internet. You could be married for all I know.
He’s not the first married guy I met on that site. And, they don’t usually tell you. I was discussing this with Angela, April and Wendell, my former co-workers over cocktails tonight. Wendell made the point that it was dumb for these guys to get on Match and pretend they are single. “They have this website just for married people looking for affairs called Ashley Madison.com,” he said. “I saw it on Oprah.” The tag line is Life is Short. Have an Affair. Really? Yeah, it’s for real. I looked it up.
I have to agree with Wendell. There are all kinds of people who want to be in relationships with married people and married people who want to have affairs. Why not just be open about it? Then, everybody knows what they are getting up front. Now, this guy Robert has to deal with the fact that his wife called me and probably several other women he contacted on Match, and they are probably ticked off at him, too. No telling what kinds of stories she’s hearing. And, I feel really sorry for her. It has to be painful.
A physician friend of mine was telling us about a time when she was attending a patient, and there were two women in the room. One looked at the other and asked, “Who are you?” “I’m the girlfriend,” she answered. “Who are you?” “I’m the wife,” the woman answered back. My physician friend quietly left the room to avoid the end of this conversation. I’ve also heard of the wife and mistress meeting up at funerals of the deceased. And, of course, most affairs never end well. You want a train wreck? Have an affair.
But, extramarital affairs are food for some of the greatest songs ever written and some of the greatest stories ever told. Dr. Zhivago is my favorite affair love story. It just seems so romantic when it’s dramatized Hollywood-Style. Or, look at Scarlett O’Hara’s lifelong obsession with the depressive married Ashley Wilkes. She was so smitten with what she couldn’t have that she couldn’t appreciate what she did until it was too late. It makes for a great movie, but I can tell you it’s not as entertaining when it’s real life….for anybody. Everybody gets hurt.
I’ll leave you with a couple of my favorite cheating songs. And, I hope that Robert is feeling a little pinched this evening. He’s dished out enough that Karma should be dishing him up a plateful of anguish. You go, Debbie. May he get just what he deserves.
Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under by Shania Twain
Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks