Your Cheating Heart…..Will Tell Your Wife

Lara and Dr. Zhivago…my favorite romanticized extramarital affair.

My cell phone rang at work today. It was not a number I had marked in my contact list.

Me: Hello

Woman on the other end of the line: Hi. This is Debbie A____. Are you on Match.com?

Me: Yes (Where is this going?)

Woman: Did you meet someone named Robert A_____.

Me: Name sounds familiar. But, I can’t place him.

Woman: He is a U.S. Marshall.

Me: (OMG…I remember that jerk.) Oh, yes! I remember him. He was a jerk. You his wife?

Woman: Yes.

Me: Well, what do you want to know?

She wanted to know where and when we went out, how many times we went out and why I thought he was just looking for sex. I knew that pretty immediately when he started getting really suggestive over text after our first and only date. I told him that I don’t sleep around very quickly. The interaction went quickly downhill as he was very angry that I wanted “to put all these parameters on things.” Well, sorry, pal. I don’t even know you, and I found you on the internet. You could be married for all I know.

He’s not the first married guy I met on that site. And, they don’t usually tell you. I was discussing this with Angela, April and Wendell, my former co-workers over cocktails tonight. Wendell made the point that it was dumb for these guys to get on Match and pretend they are single. “They have this website just for married people looking for affairs called Ashley Madison.com,” he said. “I saw it on Oprah.” The tag line is Life is Short. Have an Affair. Really? Yeah, it’s for real. I looked it up.

I have to agree with Wendell. There are all kinds of people who want to be in relationships with married people and married people who want to have affairs. Why not just be open about it? Then, everybody knows what they are getting up front. Now, this guy Robert has to deal with the fact that his wife called me and probably several other women he contacted on Match, and they are probably ticked off at him, too. No telling what kinds of stories she’s hearing. And, I feel really sorry for  her. It has to be painful.

A physician friend of mine was telling us about a time when she was attending a patient, and there were two women in the room. One looked at the other and asked, “Who are you?” “I’m the girlfriend,” she answered. “Who are you?” “I’m the wife,” the woman answered back. My physician friend quietly left the room to avoid the end of this conversation. I’ve also heard of the wife and mistress meeting up at funerals of the deceased. And, of course, most affairs never end well. You want a train wreck? Have an affair.

I never understood this obsession of Scarlett’s.

But, extramarital affairs are food for some of the greatest songs ever written and some of the greatest stories ever told. Dr. Zhivago is my favorite affair love story. It just seems so romantic when it’s dramatized Hollywood-Style. Or, look at Scarlett O’Hara’s lifelong obsession with the depressive married Ashley Wilkes. She was so smitten with what she couldn’t have that she couldn’t appreciate what she did until it was too late. It makes for a great movie, but I can tell you it’s not as entertaining when it’s real life….for anybody. Everybody gets hurt.

I’ll leave you with a couple of my favorite cheating songs. And, I hope that Robert is feeling a little pinched this evening. He’s dished out enough that Karma should be dishing him up a plateful of anguish. You go, Debbie. May he get just what he deserves.

Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under by Shania Twain

Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks

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50 Something single woman in Michigan who loves the outdoors, people, running and hiking.

9 thoughts on “Your Cheating Heart…..Will Tell Your Wife

  1. Great piece! I had jury duty about 6 months ago. Anyone who has had jury duty knows it is boring as hell.The man sitting next to me started a conversation. Being the bubbly person I am (ha ha) I decided to engage in a conversation with him. After being in sales for 13 years, I learned to talk to just about anyone. When we were all dismissed, he turns to me, and asks me out to lunch. I told him no thanks I was married. He explained he was also married, and he liked going out on dates with married women. I politely explained that I had one man in my life, why the hell would I be stupid enough to have another.

    1. Wow…that just amazes me. I can’t juggle one relationship very well much less two. But, I’d say he’s probably not handling the first one well either if he’s looking for a second. I read an interview with the owner of that dating site, and he said their target market is married women. That is why they chose the name Ashley Madison. He said those are the most common names for children, so they know women like those names. He said that married men don’t have as much a problem thinking married dating is wrong but married women do. So, they set out to make it “okay” for married women to date. Geez…I mean my single friends don’t even like dating that much! Isn’t that one of the perks of being married…haha…NOT dating….thanks for commenting.

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