Mid-Week Share: Step 3 – Principle of Surrender

Step 3: Surrender

A lifetime of self-will run riot can come to a screeching halt, and change forever,

by making a simple decision to turn it all over to a higher power.

The principle of Surrender for me was a tough pill to swallow. I’m a get it done sort of woman. I figure out what the problem is, find a solution and fix it. It’s just the way I’ve always been. I don’t have time to let problems hang around and muck up my life. It’s probably one of the reasons I sought help early in my life for my drinking problem. However, I didn’t even realize I had a problem with codependency because that was the root of my issue ….trying to fix, control and manipulate situations. So, that’s really where the principle of Surrender hit me hard.

Definition of SURRENDER

transitive verb
a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand <;surrenderedthe fort>;
b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
a :to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner
b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
intransitive verb
: to give oneself up into the power of another : yield

I did not want to surrender to another person, place or thing. For one thing, I had learned that I would not be safe. I had been placed in situations where others hurt me, abused me and generally were very self-absorbed. My needs and safety were not considered. So, I learned that I had to fend for myself. By the time I came into recovery, I was in a very emotionally and verbally abusive marriage. I was at the point of exhaustion trying to keep myself safe. My body was even starting to shut down because of the sheer exhaustion and fear of being in that marriage with an unsafe person.

Letting Go is easier when you trust that you will be safe.

So, Surrender was really hard for me. I remember when I really “got it” that I could Surrender to my God, and He would keep me safe. I had it in my mind that saving my marriage and fixing my husband’s problems was the answer. It was the ONLY answer. But, as I got better, my husband tried to push me back into old behavior by escalating the chaos. I finally said NO and left him. I finally SURRENDERED to the possibility that I couldn’t fix this, and there might be another answer. I SURRENDERED to a power greater than myself and prayed that whatever should happen will happen. I let go of control. I remember being terrified of the outcome.

Over time and with many small surrenders, I began to realize that the very solution that I was forcing was not the solution at all. The solution was to take care of myself and SURRENDER to a God that loved me. My ex’s problems escalated. His life fell apart. My life got better. I got better. I learned to trust that I didn’t have all the answers. I learned to let go of the outcome of situations. I learned to let go.
On my Women’s Quest last week, we went zip-lining. When you zip-line, you have to trust the people that are assisting you and the harness that they use to hold you up. When you trust that, you just have to let go and “jump.” Afterwards, Mary read a poem about letting go. I’ll leave you with that beautiful piece of writing.

She Let Go

by Rev. Safire Rose

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.


5 Comments on “Mid-Week Share: Step 3 – Principle of Surrender

  1. I felt like you were writing my words at the beginning. I can SO identify and I’d never thought about my control as being part of my addiction. Hmmm, good thoughts to ponder. And I love She Let Go. Glad you are sharing these words with others.

    • As I was writing, I just kept thinking about that poem. Of course, it had Mary’s voice attached to it. She read it so beautifully. I just love it, and I love the sentiment. It’s so hard to “let go” when it’s something really important. Love you, girl… See you in a week!! Woohooo!!

  2. Awesome! Surrender is very diffucult when you have fear. I know, I went thru a similar situation in 2010 I made a decision & turned it over to God.
    I decided to take care of me & give my verbally abusive husband to God.
    What I did was go back to school. I was scared out of my wits!
    How could I think of going back to school at my age? I had to find a way to take care of myself & getting a job to support me when I LEAVE him.
    That was my plan but God had a different plan for me.
    I continue to go to school today, more excited than fearful but my reason for going has changed.
    While I was focused on self-improvement, God was working on that husband I was planning to leave and all because I surrendered! I surrendered him to God.
    Do I believe in miracles? You bet I do!!
    If I do my best & leave the rest in God’s hands, anything is possible!
    Today my husband has addressed one of his health problems. His diabetes. He takes his medication, eats better & his moods swings are no longer in the form of making me his punching bag.
    I keep thinking, I remember this guy…he’s the guy I met & fell in love with!
    Surrendering to not trying to change him & focusing on changing me was my 1st step in this journey called marriage.
    Today I continue to go to school because I am doing this for me so my motive has changed.
    Surrender is just not fighting & allowing God to do what He does best.
    Thank you Sha

  3. Your timing is wonderful, and what a beautiful poem. I may need to read that a time or two again. Happy thanksgiving – thankful for you (and your beautiful voice in writing).

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