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I can’t find my journal that I wrote in last year on New Year’s Day. I always write down goals for the New Year. It’s not really about setting resolutions for me. It’s more about deciding what I want out of my life in the next year. Sometimes I’d like more of the same kind of year I had the previous year. Sometimes, I want to move forward and that may involve some resolutions.
I know that last year at this time I was unsure about what was going to happen with my job at Medco Health Solutions. They had announced that we were being purchased by Express Scripts, and the deal was approved by New Year’s Eve but hadn’t been closed. I know that I was afraid my position would be eliminated, but I hadn’t really decided whether I was going to ride it out or not. I had checked my benefits info and determined that it was a bad risk to depend on the slim severance I was entitled to with my short tenure with the company. So, I knew I had to do something. I just wasn’t sure what I’d do.
I also know that I really wanted to start dating again after a long hiatus. I was interested in a relationship, but I knew if I didn’t get out there and meet men, I wouldn’t have much luck. There’s a radio talk show host I know that always says, “Unless you’re interested in the FedEx guy or the pizza delivery man, you need to get off your porch.”. By this time last year, I had signed up on Match. com but hadn’t really figured out how to work it to my advantage. Dates were few and far between.
Among my recovery friends, we always say, “this too shall pass” – whether it’s good or it’s bad – it will pass. You can count on it. Both of my worries from last year came to some sort of completion. I have a job that fits me quite well, and I didn’t even have to take a pay cut. In fact, it kind of fell into my lap. I never even started a job search. For that, I am really grateful. I spent a year dating all kinds of men – young men, men my age, a few older men, dentists, filmmakers, a Tennessee State Senator, a U.S. Marshall (who later turned out to be married) – but I didn’t really get into a relationship. It’s okay, though, because I found out how to date, how to have fun dating and what I did and didn’t want in a dating relationship. I also learned a lot about myself. That’s probably the most important part.
One of the biggest things I learned about myself this year is that I love to write. I started blogging on a whim, encouraged by my friend Jessica, my personal trainer and running coach. She’s 25, and she had a blog on running. She kept telling me that I should blog. She thought I had something to say in my Facebook posts, and it seemed as if people responded to my messages. Of course, she also knew all the funny Match.com dating stories which could have been a blog in themselves. I opened up a blog account once but then didn’t write. When I finally started writing in August of this year, my reaction to writing surprised the heck out of me.
In my first blog, I sort of set the stage for what I wanted to do which was to share info about my journey in the hopes someone else might enjoy it or learn from it. That’s all I’ve got is my journey. I’m not an expert, and I’ve made a ton of mistakes. But, I’m open to sharing, and I like sharing what I know. I have written all my life. I was an English major and a journalist for several years post-college. I write training materials at work, and I’ve always documented business processes and produced communications for my work teams. I like it okay, but what I didn’t realize was that I really like to write about people, my life and others’.
After penning my first blog, my head literally got dizzy with all the stories that wanted to be told. I’m not kidding. I couldn’t sleep for days. I finally wrote down about 150 topics that I wanted to cover. I haven’t even gotten to most of those. New ones hit me every day. Some days it takes me 20 minutes to write a blog. Other days, it takes me hours. But, I’ve yet to write one that I didn’t publish. By the time they come out of my head through my fingers on the keyboard, they are written. They just need to be edited a bit and cleaned up.
I’ll do my journaling tomorrow on what I want in my life in 2013. I know I want to focus on my running more this year. I know I want to get control of my budget a little better and pay off the expensive trips I took last year. I know there’s a man that I want to get to know a little better to see where that leads. I also know that I want to continue to work on my healthy eating habits that my acupuncturist recommends. I feel a need to get back in the swing with hanging out with my girlfriends again. I’ve let that slip a little in the last six months. I don’t know what I want to do with the writing, though. Right now, I just want to enjoy it until I don’t enjoy it anymore.
One thing I know for sure is that when I sit down on New Year’s Eve of 2013, I’ll look back and see how all of this has passed in some way or fashion. There will probably be people that I know and love today that won’t be here this time next year. I will probably have new people in my life that I don’t know right now. Who knows what will happen this year? I actually can’t wait to see how it all turns out. I’m going to live it…one day at at time. Happy New Year, Y’all!!