Girl Talk: The Booty Call 2013

168189_499403387769_6790705_nI got up this morning and looked at my phone, and it seems I got a booty call last night. How do I know this? I know this because this guy is interested in me sexually. That is it. He’s shown no interest in me otherwise. There have been no offers of feeding me, taking me on a hike, or sharing a cup of coffee to get to know me better. When a man calls me at 10:30 PM on a Saturday night and doesn’t leave a message, I know what he’s thinking. First of all, if he knew me better, he’d know I’m long asleep by that time unless I’m out. In that case, I’m busy with someone else. But, I guess you can’t fault a guy for trying. What has he got to lose?

According to the Urban Dictionary, a Booty Call is defined as:

a phone call,  page, or conversation aimed at getting into your pants. Not an invite to a movie or dinner, not just coffee, not a casual or formal get-together, just a plain old-fashioned “let’s f**k”.

In this day and age, the ways you can get a booty call are prolific. I’ve had men approach me on Facebook, by text, by phone and, of course, on Match.com. See my blogs in my Dating archives for examples of that. And, I have to say, they are creative and entertaining. And, if I didn’t know that they were contacting everybody, it might be quite flattering to get booty calls at 52. I am a little flattered that this guy last night called. He’s been trying for awhile, he’s hot and he’s 10 years younger than me. In a different lifetime…..maybe.

My high school boyfriend was probably the only phone call booty call I ever answered, and it was probably because I was too naive at the time to figure out that he didn’t really care about me. In my mind, I was building a relationship. Yeah…that never happened. I guess “pick ups” in college could be called booty calls, too. The guys definitely didn’t have any intention of being friendly afterwards or heaven forbid, asking me on a date. As I’ve gotten older, the booty calls are more sophisticated. The guy acts likes he’s interested in you as a person, maybe even takes you to dinner or coffee, but then that’s just foreplay. One of them even brought me a dozen roses. In the last two years, I’ve had at least three men push to have sex on the first date. That’s an obvious booty call. One even came to pick me up and wanted to skip the planned date. Yeah…I don’t think we’re on the same page here, pal.

I found this agreement on the Urban Dictionary website for booty calls. I love it. Why not use it? It will save everybody so much trouble in case the “called” party begins to have needs, expresses their own desires, or otherwise develops any feelings of their own. You can just point to the agreement, and say, “Hey… we agreed that this relationship would be null and void if you became a human being.” That’s sort of what happens anyway, isn’t it? The guy just cuts off all contact and pretends you are dead. Because, guess what….you were not a human being anyway. You were a way to get his sexual needs met. That’s it….nothing else.

bootycall-2228

I know I’m stereotyping here. Surely women make booty calls, too. I know there’s the whole f**k buddy arrangement these days that’s fairly popular. But, I’d say most of the time, it’s the guy. My experience with men is that they aren’t quite as receptive to being “called up” – even for sex. If I ever call a guy – that’s only interested in sex with me –  for anything, I’m perceived as needy, possessive, trying to make a relationship out of this or any other various sundry ridiculous things. So, I imagine if a guy is out having a beer with friends or is on a date with somebody he really likes, and his booty call rings his phone, he’s going to ignore it. And, I’m sure he’d ignore it if he was sleeping. Because, really, if he wanted to have sex, he would have called you, right? That’s why I think these things are ridiculous. I went out with this guy once, and the first thing he told me was that he had this f**k buddy thing going on, but he was going to end it. Because of me? After the first date? First of all, you just told me you’re going to drop your booty call because you met somebody cuter…because you don’t know me, pal. So, will you drop me when another, cuter, booty call comes along? That one didn’t last very long, and, yes, he was one of the ones that wanted sex on the first date. No surprise there.

I’ve just found that it’s less emotionally tricky to find other ways to meet my sexual needs than to answer booty calls. And, at 52, I’m looking for things that give back to me. A booty call will NEVER give back to me. Well, it might give me remorse. It could give me an STD. It could give me a missed night’s sleep. These days, my sleep is more important to me than that. And, I’m not talking about sex with somebody I care about because that’s an entirely different story. I could use some of that. But, to get dressed in the middle of the night at somebody’s beckoning call for a little roll in the hay that’s not even enough exercise to count for a workout. No, thanks. Call somebody else, please, and cross me off the list.

3 thoughts on “Girl Talk: The Booty Call 2013

  1. OK now I know more than I did before. Sometimes I think I must live in another world! Is it true not knowing things sometimes can be bliss? ; )

Talk to me, please...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s