I was without a blog topic today, and I felt like I really needed to write, so I got on the Reader section of my blog site and browsed other blogger’s topics of the day. Pretty immediately I found one that fit my situation. This blogger is writing about a conversation with her sister about whether or not she should pursue a relationship with a guy that she knows will be a dead end. Read the blog here. Her sister’s advice is that it’s the same sort of decision you make when eating. Is it worth the fat you’ll gain? Some foods are … and some foods aren’t.
I’m at the hurting end of short-term relationship that I knew would end. Thankfully, it didn’t end badly. It’s just time to end it. But, it always hurts. There are always things I will miss. There are always dreams that are shattered. Almost always there is pain. Now, sometimes people say they are glad to end a relationship, and maybe they are, but, for me, even a bad relationship has good points. Otherwise, I would have probably never gotten into it anyway. The same principle applies to the food concept. I wouldn’t willingly get fat by drinking a whole gallon of cooking oil, but I might willingly get fat by eating ice cream every night for a month. I’d never even start with the cooking oil, or it wouldn’t last past the first sip. But, the ice cream … well … that creamy, icy, sweet concoction will get me every time. But, I know there is an end to that, too. One way or another, I have to get back to eating well. I’m sort of dealing with that right now, too. I wanted some real bad tonight, but I didn’t give in. It’s not worth the fat at this point.
I know this about love and relationships. Almost EVERY relationship will end. They will end during the dating period. They will end in divorce. They will end with one person’s death. There is always an end. There will always be hurt. You can count on it. I hear people say they will never get another pet because they can’t stand the pain when they die. Again … it all depends on what makes you tick. For some, loving a pet is not worth bearing the pain when they die. For others of us, it’s a small price to pay for a lifetime of loving … and tearing up shit … and peeing on things … and responsibility … and money for the vet … and … and …. owning a pet is no picnic either.
As I’ve gotten older, I’m much more aware of the pain that can happen from a relationship. There are some I won’t even begin to think about. If I know a man is an addict .. no thank you. I’ve been there and done that. I don’t care how smart, good-looking, rich and fun he is. I know that the trip an addict is going to take is going to be rough. I don’t want to be along for that ride. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be attracted to them if I didn’t know they were addicts. I can’t make a decision on something that I don’t know exists. My friend told me he was sorry he hurt me. I assured him that he didn’t hurt me. I knew this relationship was going to end when I started it. I made the decision to let myself get hurt in the end just to enjoy the ride. There were a lot of things going for it that I wanted to experience. But, I knew we weren’t looking for the same things, and it was doomed to end with me in tears. I accepted the risk. I hurt myself. And, I don’t regret the decision. Do I wish I wasn’t hurting? Yes, of course. But there are consequences that I must accept, and that I signed up for in the beginning.
I make these kinds of decisions every day. The beauty of living in reality is that I know the risks of most things. If I choose to be late for work, I may get into trouble. If I choose to relocate across the country, it’s going to cost me a lot of damn money. If I date online, I’m going to spend a lot of time kissing toads. If I stay up too late, I’m going to feel bad the next day. I don’t always KNOW the outcome of these things, but I have a pretty good idea of the risk versus the reward. The bigger unknown with a relationship is I don’t know what I have going in. There are all kinds of wild things that can be unveiled as time goes on. It’s harder to make that decision at the beginning and know what I am signing up for. I may not be so lucky to get out of the next one with a little short-term hurt. But, then again, the next one might be the right one. Who knows? All I can do is make the best decision I can with the information I have. But, if he comes bearing Blue Bell ice cream, I may be in trouble.