I have a rule that I don’t blog mad. But, I’m going to break that rule for two reasons:
- I want to support a friend who was treated badly and
- It’s my damn blog, and if I want to blog mad, I can. I’m just warning you… if you don’t want to hear me complain, then go read something else.
Where are the men these days??? I had a coffee date with a man last night. He was a really nice guy, but he’s definitely not my type, and I’ll tell you why. He said he got off Match last year because he was tired of spending all his money on dates and being used. I’ve heard this before from men. He would ask a woman out and ask her where she’d like to go. She’d pick a nice restaurant, he’d drop $150 on her and then he’d never see her again. This happened several times until he took a woman out, she chose a $150 bottle of wine, and he swore he’d never do it again. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. First, I apologized for my gender. How can anybody do that? Then, I asked him, “Whatever happened to men planning the dates?” I went out with a guy once, and I even told him that I preferred the man to plan the date. So many times today they ask me where I want to go. He asked me where I wanted to go when I got in the car. I gave him three options… low price, moderately priced and expensive. Hell, I don’t know how much money he has or what he can spend on the evening. I’m a guest. He chose the expensive one, ate a bowl of soup while I ordered a meal and then didn’t have enough money to pay for dinner. WTF? We had to go to his house to get more cash and bring it back to the restaurant.
A friend of mine has been in a fairly long-term relationship. She called me this weekend because she wanted to talk through whether or not she wanted to end it. After spending some time asking her some questions, she decided it was time to end it, and she made a plan to talk to him the next day. To make a long story short, he wouldn’t give her face time, so she had to do it over the phone. It was not what she wanted to do, but that’s the way it went down. He was very mean to her and called her needy and then commenced to throw away her stuff. It was bad enough that he treated her that way, but then she discovered that he’d been back on the dating site for a month! She’d sensed it was over and acted like a grown-up. He didn’t have the guts to say anything. He just let it slide, made her do the dirty work and then blasted her for it. I know you’re reading this thinking this guy was a wuss, and he was … but, let me assure you this is not unusual. With almost every relationship I’ve ever had, I’ve had to do the ending. The man either makes my life miserable enough for me to have to end it or he just disappears. It’s like dealing with a baby. Waaaaa waaaaa waaaa … spank the baby!
I just want to know where all the cowboys have gone? Where is my John Wayne? I know that not every man is a manly man like John Wayne, but can’t they be man enough to deal with life and their women in a reasonable way. I know I’m a ballsy woman. I speak my mind, and I don’t mince words. But, I respect a man who will tell me no. I respect a man when he listens to me and then reasonably tells me what he needs and wants and doesn’t back down just because we are not on the same page. That’s called boundaries.
- If I were a man, I would plan dates when I’m paying. I may ask her input, but it’s my money, and I’m entertaining her. She doesn’t have to go.
- If we were ordering wine, I would at least be a participant in that decision. I wouldn’t hand her the menu – especially if I’d never met her before.
- If I had been used before, you’d better be damned sure it wouldn’t happen again. I’d be going back to A and B and acting like John Wayne.
Life is tough, but it’s tougher when you’re stupid. ~~ John Wayne
I don’t know the reason why so many men are babies now, but I can speculate. I think it’s because they didn’t ever learn to say no to the mothers. If you can’t learn to say no to your mother – male or female – you can’t learn to say no to your woman. That’s where the practice comes in. Jesus told us to leave and cleave for a reason. It makes us adults. It makes us stand on our own two feet. It makes us learn to say no to our first authority figures – our parents. This is one reason fathers are so important to boys. If they don’t have a father around that teaches them to say no to women and, better yet, to lead, then they are doomed until they figure it out on their own as an adult. How many marriages are ruined because the man lets his mother come between him and his wife? Even God knew that was bad. Waaaa waaaaa waaaaa… spank the baby!
I had to learn to set boundaries, and I had to learn to say what I mean, mean what I say and don’t say it mean. I can thank my 12 step program for that. These men could learn to do that instead of whining like a child about how badly they were treated or ducking their head in the sand like an ostrich. Neither one is attractive. I hear men say that they won’t ask for help, but then when they need help to be a man instead of a wuss, they won’t get it either. Sometimes asking for help in setting boundaries, makes you stronger in the long run. It’s that simple. It’s like getting an education so you can get a decent job. Sometimes I think women have more balls than most men I’ve met. They actually deal with their problems. Granted our emotions drive us to need help for some relief, but, geez, guys….get a grip….. learn to be a man. You will NEVER be sorry.
Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday. ~~ John Wayne
Somewhere down the line, people seem to have gotten the idea that saying where you end and someone else begins is mean. It’s not. It is my responsibility to teach you how to treat me. If you don’t want to treat me that way, then we probably won’t stay in relationship, and that’s okay. Not everybody is a match. That’s what dating is all about. If you don’t tell me who you are, I won’t know. And, sometimes I won’t like what you tell me. That’s okay. The funny thing is that I often like people more when they define themselves different from me. It makes me respect them. Almost every dating relationship ends. It’s part of the deal. Somebody is going to get rejected. There’s a 50% chance it’s going to be you.
I’ve heard the excuse that women have started to be more domineering and have made men become softer. Well, I actually don’t think anybody can make anybody do anything. They have to want to do it. Yes, there’s a dance. But, I’ll tell you this. I’m a feisty girl. I’m strong-willed. I’m probably fairly hard to handle. But, have you ever seen a cowboy break a horse? With the right technique, the right kindness and the right timing, the horse can be broken without breaking the spirit of the animal. It takes a smart mind, and a cowboy that wants the best for both of them. It takes a leader. Maybe somebody needs to come up with a workshop that teaches men how to break horses like they used to? I’ll bet a few John Waynes might rise from the ashes. I know I, for one, would be standing in line to get one.
Now, move along… there’s nothing more to see here. 🙂