Note to Momma: This is not entirely about sex. I’ll tell you when to close your eyes.
My trainer Jessica is in graduate school at the University of Texas. She’s teaching an Anatomy Lab to students as part of her assistantship. She texted me last night and told me that she had to teach about sex today, and she was wondering if she could ask me some questions. “Sure,” I answered. She had given her students the option to ask some questions prior to the class date so she would have time to research the information needed to answer their inquiries. Most of their questions revolved around the G-Spot and whether or not it actually existed. I think that was the big question when I was in my 20s. Some things never change. She asked if I thought it existed. I have no idea if it exists, but I’ve never had any experience that told me I have one. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the female body, though, is it’s a moving target. We are all different, and I am different at different times.
The first myth I bought into was the myth that “pulling out” before ejaculation would prevent pregnancy. I’m sure that myth was started by teenage boys hoping that it was true, and I know several teenage girls who found out it wasn’t true – the hard way. That myth was easily put aside when we had Sex Education class in the 11th grade. That class helped a lot with some of the basic mechanics of the reproductive system. Momma had given me some books when I was younger, but something was lost in the translation. I remember being shocked when someone described how intercourse actually happened. I went home and pulled Momma aside and asked her if it was true. “Yes, it is,” she confirmed. “That’s gross,” I said. “I’ll never do that.” “Oh yes, you will,” she added and laughed. Of course, she probably never thought I’d write about it on the internet one day!
As the years have gone by, I’ve realized how little is actually known about the female body. Our medical model has to have proof and data to prove something is happening, and so much of what happens to me in my reproductive system cannot be duplicated. It’s driven by hormones which are ever fluctuating. I remember going to a doctor for help with my awful PMS. He wanted me to keep a calendar for 3 months with all the symptoms I was experiencing to see if I really had PMS. What? I have to prove it? Just call my husband. I’m sure he could tell you I had it. Nevertheless, I took the chart and started charting my symptoms. I finally got so ticked off – probably in a bout of PMS – that I threw it away. Who cares? They probably couldn’t fix it anyway.
When my second marriage was falling apart, I started having severe perimenopause symptoms. I couldn’t sleep at all for months. I had hot flashes and night sweats every hour of the day. My anxiety level was extremely high. My cycle became erratic and painful. I just knew I was entering menopause or the 10 year period prior that is dubbed perimenopause. Whatever it was called didn’t matter; I was suffering in a big way. I talked to my male physician, and he wanted to do some bloodwork to see if my hormonal cycle was changing. The blood test showed that I was perfectly normal. WTF? Well, why can’t I sleep? Why am I having tension headaches, migraines and night sweats all the time? He didn’t know. I left very confused. When I left my husband, my symptoms stopped. I mean my symptoms stopped within a week after leaving him. My cycle went back to normal. I slept. I stopped having hot flashes, migraines, tension headaches and night sweats. I believe my reproductive system began to shut down because I was not in a healthy environment to reproduce. Another friend of mine experienced a similar pattern. She was married to a sex addict. She was in denial about it, so she consciously wasn’t even aware of what was going on. For years and years, she had horrible reproductive system issues and eventually went into a very premature menopause. After I met her, she divorced her husband and is in a very healthy relationship with her boyfriend. Her cycle has returned and she is ovulating after a long hiatus. She was stunned when it returned. It had been many years since she had ceased to cycle. Just like with other mammals, I think our bodies know when having children is not healthy or sustainable, and it shuts down to preserve the species.
Momma, you can close your eyes here. I’m going to talk about sex.
As I’ve entered menopause, I’ve noticed that the typical symptoms of menopause that are listed everywhere are not always present. My stress levels, the temperature of the air, and the types of relationships I’m in change my reproductive function. For instance, if I’m under stress, I have a lot more hot flashes. I also experience them when my body is under stress dealing with too much sugar. If I stop eating the sugar, my night sweats go away. I believe most of them are a result of my hypoglycemia NOT my hormonal state. I’ve noticed that, depending on the partner I’m with, the sexual side effects change. With one of the first guys I dated during this period, I noticed the typical vaginal dryness and lack of desire. I thought … dang it … I hope this is not the way it’s going to be. The next boyfriend I had turned the whole scenario on its head. My body was back to a 20 something state in all areas. I really think it all depends on the man, how my body responds to him, my stress levels, etc. on what menopausal symptoms I have. How can the medical community keep up with that? They can’t. That’s way too many factors to deal with in a diagnosis.
As far as the elusive G-Spot, they are saying now that it’s more of a G-area. No one has ever been able to pinpoint a specific location or bundle of nerves that would cause a vaginal orgasm. The speculation is that it’s on the back side of the nerves attached to the clitoris – the magic button – and when it’s stimulated the clitoris is stimulated from a different direction. The picture below is supposedly a pic of the clitoris in all it’s glory. The yellow part is the clitoris, and, of course most of it is hidden. If you don’t know where it is – whether you are male or female – I suggest you find out.
Jessica texted me and said that her students were headed home after class to find their G-Spot – at least the girls were. I’m hoping they can give us a report on what they find. But, this is what I’m guessing is going to happen. It’s going to be all over the board. The female orgasm can be elusive in general. Some women have them. Some women don’t. Some women have them when they are with the right partner. Some women have them all the time even when they are doing situps at the gym (I wish that would happen to me). Some women have them only when they are comfortable with a partner. Some women have them all the time … then they stop having them … then they start having them again. Some women just fake them and no one is the wiser. Women’s reproductive systems and sexual response is very unpredictable.
When I was researching this G-Spot topic for this blog, I noticed some of the comments that women made at the bottom of the articles. Most of them were mad that there was this big expectation for them to orgasm all over the place. Women know that it takes the right partner, an alignment of all the stars and the moon, the right time of the month and 900 other different variables to be in the right order for a woman to orgasm. And, some never do. God didn’t make us the same way He made men. We have the babies, and our sexual response is tied to that. It’s just not as simple to predict as with a man. That’s why I think they haven’t found a Viagara for women. It’s like nailing jello to a tree. But … and I can’t pass up this pun … as long as you’re getting nailed, you just might hit the right spot – G or otherwise. 🙂