New Year’s Eve ….. It’s a day of closing doors and the hope of opening new ones. The irony is that nothing really changes. It’s just a number on a year. The New Year will bring the same thing every day if we don’t decide to do things differently. New Years Resolutions are a sign that people want to change. The problem is it’s so difficult to change. Around March … if not January 2nd … the resolutions start to fade away, and the same old, same old takes its rightly place. A body at rest tends to stay at rest and a body in motion stays in motion unless there is a significant catalyst to change its state. The change of a date on a calendar is not a significant catalyst. Now, if that date is also coupled with a significant motivator or energy moving in an opposite direction, things could change.
I want to make some changes this year. Actually, they may be more of a change in focus. I had a weekend of significant conversations. I say significant because they were intimate. I hadn’t talked to most of these people in a long time, and in one weekend they came packaged in a bundle I received as a Christmas gift. Most of the calls were prompted by my blog post on Saturday. It gave us a chance to connect to some very deep wounds that have shaped our spiritual paths in this life. I realized that I am very, very connected, and my vulnerability is a path to stay connected. This is the issue… my vulnerability does not come easy. I have such issues with people-pleasing and acceptance that it’s like jumping over a huge wall from a standing position. But, because I keep doing it, it makes it easier to keep doing it. A body in motion tends to stay in motion.…
In 2012 and 2013, I learned to be vulnerable. No, let me take that a step farther. I became vulnerable. I started to model what I’ve always wished that I could be and what I wanted in relationship. The thing about being vulnerable is that it’s …. well … vulnerable. And, you can’t be that way with everybody. You can, but it will hurt you in some instances. That’s part of the risk. And, I refuse to be sorry for letting myself take risks with my heart. I spent most of a lifetime with a shut-down heart because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me. I’m going to spend a little time on the other side now. I’m going to have an open heart, and if you don’t like me, or, if it makes you uncomfortable, then that’s about you….. it’s not about me.
A friend of mine called me this weekend, and we discussed being influencers. You see, my personality type is called the Inspirer. It is WHO I am. It is not what I do. With a closed down heart and a way of living that shut me off from the world, I couldn’t even inspire myself much less anyone else. I thrive on the external world. And, you know what? The external world can be cold. In fact, it can be downright frigid. But, it’s how I THRIVE. God made me this way. If I choose to not step into that role, I am not only doing myself a disservice, I’m telling God he gave me the wrong gifts. And, HE knows I am going to make mistakes, and I’m going to screw it up.
I once created a training module based on Who Moved My Cheese? It’s a parable about change and the different ways that people adjust to a changing environment. Some people fight it until death and never move ahead. Others do it at a very slow pace, grumbling all the way. I identified with the character that was the first one to embrace change. I embrace new things early on. I’m attracted to possibilities. But, I bump into problems. I have to fight people who adapt more slowly. I’m the one who jumps in, makes public mistakes, starts over and keeps going until somebody else can take over the details. Then, I’m on to the next thing. It involves a lot of chaos and wrong turns. But, I inspire people to embrace change. A body in motion tends to stay in motion ….
So, my friend and I discussed being influencers. He is one, too. It’s not easy being on the edge, but we have the constitution for it. It takes some guts to get there, but we don’t know how to live any other way. Any other way would be boring, mundane and would drive us nuts. As we were talking, he was inspiring me to look at things a little differently, but the way he was doing that was by building me up and showing me the potential he saw in me. It dawned on me that the reason we are inspirers … influencers …. motivators .….. and catalysts for change is that we truly recognize the potential in others. We don’t have to work at seeing the best in people. When I meet somebody, I’m attracted to their potential. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picked it out immediately. It gets me into trouble because sometimes I focus on their potential, and they have no intention of ever reaching for it. A body at rest tends to stay at rest …..
That is where my core issue lies. I’ve written about my Addiction to the Possibility – my codependence. I get stuck trying to inspire someone to reach their potential when they really don’t care to. I stick around in a relationship that is not working based on what it could be. I continue working at a job because of what it might be like if all the problems get worked out. I try to make friends with people because of my fantasy of what our friendship could be. So, a friend of mine posts this placard on Facebook this morning:
It reminded me that not everybody appreciates my presence. And, that’s okay. But, there are people who do appreciate my presence. I’ve spent a good deal of time this year focusing on making myself fit where I don’t belong. My conversations this weekend confirmed that. I was missing some of the people that appreciate my innate abilities and who I am. And, in order for me to be an Inspirer, I have to be full. I can’t be who I am on a half tank of gas. I need God… I need my like-minded folks… I need those people that appreciate what I bring to the table. I need boundaries around the time I spend with people that drain me with their inability to see my potential.
So, let the gift-giving begin. In some places, my absence will be felt. In others, my presence will be appreciated. 2014 will bring whatever it brings. I look forward to next New Year’s Eve to see what happened. I hope my tank is a little more full at the end of 2014 than it is this year. I got distracted this last six months with my move and a boatful of rejection that always comes when trying to make new friends. It’s time to turn the page.
Happy New Year, y’all! I hope you look at who you are and who you need to be to reach your potential and find a significant catalyst to help you get there. The world needs somebody like you. And, if you are already there, a body in motion tends to stay in motion….