I figured it out: WE LIVE IN A SWAMP!!!!

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I have finally realized the problem here with the heat. We live in a SWAMP, people. It finally dawned on me this morning as I was trying to run a 5-miler at 6:30 AM, and I could ….. not ….uh…. get … any …. ugh …. freaking …. air into my lungs!! There may be houses and roads here, but this is a swamp! Poor Ashok can’t even get cool in the water anymore because the water is so hot. She doesn’t even bother to shake when she gets out. I don’t imagine she thinks she’s even wetter than normal since there is so much water in the air. I even started thinking about how I could build a dehumidifier mask for running. I could make a fortune down here!

There’s a lot of talk about mosquito abatement right now. I’ve never even heard of moquito abatement services until I moved here last year. They don’t do this crap in other places. I was out walking my dog last summer,  and this pickup truck comes driving down the lane puking up a spray of some sort. What the hell is that?, I wondered. I probably realized it had something to do with bugs, but it was really struck me as odd. Then this year I read that a neighboring parish is running out of money for mosquito abatement services, and now someone has contracted West Nile virus in their own yard. On my walk one morning this week, I happened to see this sign in one of my neighbor’s yards.

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Let me assure you, there is nothing powerful enough to eradicate the mosquitoes around here. Again …. WE LIVE IN A SWAMP!! Am I the only one that has realized this??? I find myself trying to pour out any standing water because people talk about how that will help minimize the mosquitoes in my yard. What they fail to realize is there is standing water in the air. I’ll never be able to fix that. Oh yeah, and how am I going to clean up the standing water in my yard from the daily monsoons. I’ve never seen so much water in my life. And, I don’t want to complain about it because, at least if it’s raining, it’s not 500 degrees.

I was telling Momma about how hot it was when I chatted with her this morning. The only thing worse than the heat is how freaking cold people keep their AC. I guess it’s a knee-jerk reaction, but I literally freeze to death inside and then start sweating as soon as I open the door. My body is so confused that I had to start getting acupuncture again just to keep my internal thermostat from blowing up. I walk out the door every morning with my heavy sweater in tow and start sweating before I even get in the car. What is wrong with this picture? Anyway, Momma said it’s really been hot there, too… in the mountains of New Mexico. Really, Momma? What did it do? Did it hit 75 yesterday around 2 PM before the evening cool-down started happening at 3? It must be brutal for you guys. The air is so dry out west that it causes my hair to go straight. Here I’m drowning in a mass of frizzy, kinky hair that I cannot tame no matter what I do to it. It’s no wonder everybody is grumpy, and the crime is so bad here. I’m so irritable that I can’t stand myself, and I’m seriously thinking about stealing my neighbor’s internet. I’m quite sure that will be a gateway crime to murder if I stay this damn miserable.

The postage-stamp size drain that is supposed to keep water out of my yard. Are you people in denial???

The postage-stamp size drain that is supposed to keep water out of my yard. Are you people in denial???

At this moment, some type of bug is circling my head. I have to put apple cider vinegar on the counter to kill fruit flies. Even though I need to leave summer fruit out to ripen, I can’t stand doing it because of the bugs it attracts. If I step out on my porch, I have to spray myself with insect repellant or I get eaten alive by mosquitoes. Even Ashok won’t sit out there with me anymore. One day before I got wise, I sat outside and blogged. I knew I had a couple of bites because I was slapping bugs, but the next day I was absolutely covered in red insect bites. You’d have thought I camped the entire weekend out in the middle of the Atchafalaya Basin. You know why? Because this city is THE SWAMP!!! Nobody seems to know it, but I have figured it out. I’m surprised that I don’t have an alligator living under my house who comes out and swims in the lake that forms in front yard when it rains. I know one morning I’m going to walk outside to find him sunning on my porch. I’ll post some pics.

Even the trees droop in this heat…..

The other night I went met a friend at a local coffeehouse. It was too cold to sit inside, so we sat outside. It was nice when we started. It almost seems like there are ‘clouds’ of heat and humidity that settle in and move around. It was nice out for an hour or so. I would expect that it would continue to get cooler since it was in the evening, but it started to get really hot. I could see the sweat beading up on her brow, and I was sweating profusely. I lifted up my long skirt to try to get some air on my legs, but my hair continued dripping with sweat. The weird thing is that neither one of us ever recommended we go inside. We just sat outside and sweated like a couple of alligators. Do alligators sweat? I sweat about 20 times a day. It gets a little cooler, then it gets hot. And, it’s not really ‘sun’ hot. It’s ‘air’ hot. It sneaks up on you whether you are in the shade or not. It feels like somebody throws a heavy wet blanket over you and begins to smother you without you even knowing it. And I know they are laughing. I can hear them. Finally, I become cognizant of it, and I start gasping for air. Hopefully I don’t suck in any bugs to go along with the minimal amount of oxygen that accompanies the water.

Dreaming of Cooler Days

I’m counting the days. A friend of mine said it will be cooler in September. I don’t remember that being the case, but just for sanity’s sake, I’m going to believe him. Momma said a cool front is coming through next week. I got out my parka this morning to prepare. I hope it dips down to at least as cold as it is in my office every day. I can’t believe we fuss so much over every penny we spend at the state office, but we run the AC at 25 degrees all day long. It’s cold enough inside that it feels good outside for about 2 minutes before I start sweating again. How many weeks are in August? I sure hope it’s a shorter month this year. Meanwhile, I’ll continue looking at my vacation pics, turn up my fans and AC and start working on that dehumidifier mask. Maybe I’ll get rich enough to move this city out of the swamp.

 

6 thoughts on “I figured it out: WE LIVE IN A SWAMP!!!!

  1. The heat and humidity are exactly why I stay in the A/C for 6 months out of the year. I must ask, though: Do you always run in a necklace? 🙂

    • Yes, I do. I usually have nice earrings too but I took off the ones I wore yesterday! A girls gotta look good. I find jewelry that I can get wet. Otherwise, it’s too dainty for me.

  2. Oh Sharon, you are right. I have screamed it. Who decided this was a good place to settle? I can just imagine the first settlers here. Didn’t they notice the bugs and snakes? Didn’t they feel the heat? It’s a good place for a hunting/fishing camp, it is not a good place to live. Until I got sick I was the grower for Clegg’s Nursery, the greenhouse is always, always 10 – 15 degrees warmer than outside temperature. It is an everyday occurrence to hit 112 -115 degrees inside the greenhouse. That’s not heat index, that’s temperature. And of course there is water everywhere, it’s easier to measure dry air particles than humidity. One thing it is good for is building your endurance. Think of it that way. It might help. I like the air up here in Tennessee much better.

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