I have a headache. I’m inhaling some peppermint oil trying to make it go away. It feels better but is not totally gone. A heavy thunderstorm is passing by with rain and thunder. I’m grateful because I know it’ll be cooler the next time I walk out the door. In fact, my friend that told me that the weather will start to cool down in September may have been right. The forecast is full of cooler days… not a lot … but upper 80s and low 90s is much better than upper 90s… thank you very much, September.
All of the animals are sleeping. I came home today and opened the bedroom door where Ashok spends her hours while I’m away, and I could smell something a little ‘off’ in there. I walked over to the closet, and I noticed that the closet door was open where the animal rations are kept, and the dog food container was not in sight. I walked farther around the bed, and she had somehow dragged the entire 40 lb. container out of the closet, got the lid off and spilled dog food all over the floor. She missed dinner tonight, and she’s going to be eating dirty dog food for awhile. She was really thirsty when I got home, and I guess that’s why. She pigged out all day.
I drew the squirrel card for my reading. Squirrel is about preparing for the future and loading up on good thoughts and plans in order to secure my future. I pulled it in the contrary, however. So, there is a message for me that I may be spending too much time worrying about the future and not enough on planning for it. I know that I’ve been worried a lot about my job … about what needs to happen next. My anxiety has been on overdrive for a couple of months now. The Chinese herbs have been helping for the last 3 weeks. I noticed this weekend that I was starting to feel more like myself again. I actually didn’t realize how far ‘off’ I’d been feeling until I started feeling a bit freer and more adventurous on Sunday. I went to the beach on Sunday and to my sister’s house on Monday just to get out of the house. Lately when I’m driving or staying home, I’m caught up in the heaviness of worry. At one point I remember thinking that I must have been mildly depressed for awhile and didn’t realize it. It makes me irritable sometimes instead of sad.
My sister and I saw ‘The Giver’ this weekend. It is a movie about a society that has been designed to remove all vestiges of hate and pain, but, as a result, they’ve had to remove joy and love as well.
In the movie, the main character is assigned the ‘job’ of holding the community memories. In order to keep people from feeling or wanting, they have to take injections every day, and all memories of the way life used to be has been kept from them. This way they have no longing to be any different. But, the person that holds the memories gets to know how the world was before it was ‘cleansed’. I won’t give away the movie because it’s really good, and you should see it. It’s not an amazingly complex plot, but I really loved the contrast of the ‘cleansed’ society and the memories of real life. It made me think of how lucky I am to be a human being with all of the feelings and color and fun that we get to have just by being alive. Lately, in my mildly depressed state, I’ve felt a little dead inside. My focus is on tasks and things I need to fix. I haven’t felt a lot of joy. Depression is sort of like that society. You can still get things done, but there’s a limited range of emotion. Being depressed is like going through the motions. And, this weekend, with the lift I was getting from the herbs, I was starting to feel that little light inside of me start to shine again. I could feel the percolating of joy. It was only a glimmer, but it’s there all the same.
I hope y’all had a great holiday. Try to quit worrying a little and find your joy … even if it’s just for a minute. And, if you’re depressed, don’t beat yourself up because you can’t pull out of it. Get a little exercise, go see your doctor or get some acupuncture, and be gentle with yourself. Tap into that squirrel energy that gets prepared for the future and do something positive … even if it feels a bit heavy right now. Ashok tapped into her squirrel energy today and loaded up her gut for the winter. It was overkill, but I can’t blame her. You never know where your next meal will come from.