I’m so grateful to be dreaming. I haven’t remembered my dreams in a long time, but I remembered the ones from last night. In one, my parents were camping in a campground in some obscure location. There was some type of world crisis going on that involved drugs, and the police came to search campers for drugs. I knew that Momma was smoking hash for some health-related issue, and I was worried they would find it. I found myself in the odd position of watching the police in their camper but I was not really inside. Sure enough, he found the hash in Momma’s suitcase only it looked like these beautiful deep green leafy reeds. He looked up, thought for a minute, and covered them back up. I walked in, and he asked me to go through her things. I – realizing that he was cutting her a break – didn’t uncover them, and the officer went on his way.
I believe that this dream was a confirmation from God – my authority figure – that He will not bust me for everything. Some things I do help me to learn things that heal certain wounds, and, although doing it might have been wrong, He will let it slide. Both of us know that there are better ways to handle things. It felt comforting, forgiving and very loving.
The night before I dreamed that I moved to St. Joseph, MI without a job. I was just up there a few weeks ago, so the sights and sounds were fresh in my mind. In the dream, I was asking everyone to help me find a job. I didn’t seem to care what kind of job it was, I just knew I needed to get my foot in the door. Apparently, I had just quit my job here and moved on a lark, and I needed money. At one point, I found myself swimming up the St. Joseph River which flows into Lake Michigan between Benton Harbor and St. Joseph. The water was cool and as blue as any Caribbean ocean. I was thinking how wonderful it was to swim in this river without having to worry about snakes and alligators. Huge yachts were coming toward me and passing me as I swam. But there wasn’t any wake. I felt like a dwarf among giants, but the water felt so good, and I wasn’t scared at all. Then I started thinking that all of this would be frozen in no time, and I wouldn’t be able to swim like this always. It made me very sad.
The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don’t know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened. ~James Arthur Baldwin
I think the river was some sort of metaphor for my spiritual flow. I’m feeling much more free and comfortable in the flow of things. Big stressors are passing me by, but I’m taking it in stride. I have some fears about the future but they seem far off and are pretty innocuous. But there is some sadness that is very real over some substantial losses. The fact that I quit my job and made a move without any safety net tells me that I’m feeling like taking a few risks that maybe I wouldn’t or couldn’t have taken in the past. And, there is certainly the assurance that I will get on my feet. I know how to move forward. I’ll work through people, and I’ll adapt.
Both of these dreams feel really positive and supportive. I don’t know how much my yoga practice of the last month has impacted my subconscious, but it does seem that I’m feeling more serene at night when I’m sleeping. My dreams are confirming it. There was something else I dreamed last night, but I can’t remember what it was.
This evening I’m at the Magpie Cafe with Ashok celebrating a great day at work. We launched a big project today, and I’m very excited about it. I facilitated a large, boisterous group, and it felt good to be working in my strengths. July is looking less and less like a threat, and I’m feeling hopeful that it’s going to be a good summer. Even Ashok seems more relaxed this year than last. Sitting outside this evening is very comfortable. Last night around dark the mosquito trucks came around coughing up their mosquito poison, so I can now sit outside a little more comfortably. I don’t like the idea of breathing mosquito dope, but I like it more than I do getting West Nile virus. Like my dream says, sometimes you just have to swim in the water that you’re in and enjoy it. With every gain, there is a loss. And with every ending a beginning. I look forward to the next vivid dream.