I ran across this article a few weeks ago regarding the Weather Channel’s prediction that much of the country would be cooler than normal this summer. Now, remember … July is coming. I know it’s coming. I’ve been watching it creep closer and closer ever since December. There is no doubt in my mind that July will be here before I know it. I’ve already been sweating in anticipation of how hot and muggy and horrible it’s going to be down here. I almost didn’t make it last summer. I went insane and had to hide in my house for much of July, August and September. I believe my brain was melting. I have no evidence of it, but I truly believe that was what was happening.
After my brain got cooler in October and November, I was able to think a little more clearly, and I’ve been planning ahead for this summer’s swamp-like bug-infested solar onslaught. I am planning to go north at some point during the summer so that my brain can cool down for a little while. I’ve been experimenting with frozen gel packs in my underwear. I haven’t perfected it yet, but I’m close … very, very close. I’m rearranging my life so that I only have to leave my house for the short drive to work. My workouts are all indoors now. I don’t even have to drive to the gym. I may even be able to order my groceries online. With any luck, once the worst hits, I can remain inside with my brain happily cool. No more insanity. No more depression.
So, when I ran across this article, I was like, “Holy cripe!!!!! My prayers may have been answered.” Now I didn’t exactly pray that the summer would be cooler than normal. I prayed that I could get the hell out of here before July hit. But no go on that one. This, in turn, could be an even better option. It would be cheaper than moving and certainly less traumatic. I looked at the map really close to make sure Baton Rouge is in this delineated ‘cooler than normal’ area.
There was no doubt that Louisiana was in the blue. It wasn’t in the deep freeze blue, but it was definitely marked Below Average. I did a little dance. My spirits lifted. I took the gel packs out of my underwear. “I MAY NOT NEED THESE!!!” I screamed at Ashok. She looked at me like I was insane and went back to sleeping on the chaise lounge. Why does she care? I just got all of her hair cut off, and she’s a happy camper. I was thrilled. I no longer had to X off the days on the calendar until I was in temporary lockdown. I might survive!!!
The excitement wore off a few days later, and so I looked it up again. I just had to remind myself how beautiful that blue Below Average map looked. I found the article and read it. To my horror, there were more maps in greater detail. And, they did not proclaim the earlier bold prediction of cooler temperatures in July and August. June looked awesome. In fact it was better than awesome. June showed Baton Rouge in the deep, deep blue of MUCH BELOW AVERAGE. That totally freaking rocks.
But July looks a little dicey. The area in red is the Baton Rouge metropolitan area. Overlay that with the map below, and you will see that July is …. is …. (insert scream) going to have ABOVE AVERAGE temperatures in July.
I was stunned beyond belief. Not only was it in the blazing orange now, but it’s right on the edge. Why couldn’t they just move it over a little. Wait a minute ... there is hope. It looks like all I have to do to get in the blue is leave town on the weekends. Better yet, maybe I could get a temporary rental in Lafayette, and I’ll be golden. I’ll be right smack in the blue. I don’t understand how this is going to work. There is no area that is normal. So, when I cross that orange/blue border, is the temperature gauge in my car going to drop 10 degrees? Will I need to grab a sweater before I drive north or west. I sent an email to the Weather Channel to find out the exact location of this line so I can routinely head in that direction for my walks and weekends. Better yet, it’s close to Baton Rouge. Maybe Capitol Heights will be right over that line. I might be okay. At least I don’t have far to drive to keep my brain from melting.
August looks a little worse, I’m afraid. I’ll have to move from Lafayette to a location farther north.
The good news is that I can probably head to Sylamore Creek on vacation this year. Last year I had to head to the Appalachians instead of the Ozarks because it was too hot for camping in Arkansas. I think I’ll be golden this year. I can already hear the creek bubbling past my favorite campsite while the campfire roars. I love hot chocolate in the summertime.
The worst of the heat looks like it’s going to be over on the West Coast in the Seattle area. But, who the hell cares? Their average summer temperature is 71-72 degrees. When I lived out there, I watched July 4 fireworks in a coat and wrapped up in a blanket. They could use a little heat over there. We, on the other hand, need a break.
So, I’m enjoying the June temperatures. My walks with Ashok in the mornings and evenings are very comfortable, and I have had no … not even one …. hot flashes. I’m not looking forward to July 1 with its above average temperatures, but I’ll just drive west or north every chance I get. At least I won’t have to go far to get some relief. Uh oh … I just thought of something. What if they are wrong???