The 2 Minute Date


I had my own version of speed-dating yesterday. At a speed-dating event you go around the room spending a couple of minutes with people to see if you click. You have contact information, so you can contact whomever you want after the event. I had a date with a guy yesterday that got speed-dating confused with real dating. We’ll call him Italian5481 since that’s what he calls himself.

He contacted me on Match on Saturday.

Screen Shot 2015-09-07 at 10.38.48 AMI overlooked the fact that he didn’t have any sentence structure, creativity or punctuation. That was probably my first mistake. It was the holiday weekend. What the hell? The guy is Italian, and I love lasagne. Besides he had a cute dog. I was a little curious about his previous profile since he said he may have “sent the wrong impression.” Was he one of those angry guys that I click right through? Or, was he sending the message that he only wanted a one night stand? Or maybe he seemed desperate.

We did get our 9.5 miler in!
We did get our 9.5 miler in!

But, he seemed okay, and I didn’t have any plans for Sunday other than running a 9.5 miler, so I responded. He asked me to call Sunday morning so we could set up plans. He reiterated that he was very serious about finding a relationship and making time to get to know someone. He said he wasn’t desperate, but he was really, really tired of being single. I sort of took this as a yellow flag for me because I’m not necessarily trying to make pudding out of tap water. But, he seemed nice enough, so what would it hurt to have lunch?

He chose Panera – which was another yellow flag for me. Panera is okay, but it’s not on the top of my list as a quiet lunch spot to meet. I countered with La Madeleine which is a local version of the same thing. He was cool with the idea, so I got ready and went over to meet him for lunch. He came in, and we gave each other a side hug and shared ‘nice to meet you’s.’ We looked at the menu, and I told him the salads were really good and the french dip was exceptional. He put the menu down and told me that he had to go out to the car to check on work. Huh? What’s in the car, I thought? But, I followed him to the front door, and I sat at a table outside while he “checked on work.” I thought he was just going to leave then, but here he comes back.

He couldn’t even look me in the eye. He yelled from the sidewalk that he had to take a raincheck, the fire alarm was going off, and “I’ll be in touch.” The whole thing happened so fast, I was a little bit in shock. But I laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it all. Really?? I never had anything happen like this before. Was his wife inside La Madeleine, and he had to take a hasty exit? Was I not the dream babe he had in mind? Did he think La Madeleine was too expensive? French? Was it my accent?

I got in my car – because La Madeleine is not where I really wanted to eat – and I sat there for a minute. My insecurities popped up. Does my hair look that bad? I knew I shouldn’t wear these shorts. I look horrible in shorts. Do I look tired from my run? My insecurities took control for about 15 minutes while I tried to decide how to take care of myself in this situation.


Screw it. I want to eat at the Velvet Cactus, my new favorite restaurant in Baton Rouge.  I’m taking my smoking hot, curly-haired, shorts-wearing self over there, and I’m going to enjoy my lunch. I’ve always had so much fun posting crap like this on Facebook to see what response I get, but I was a little embarrassed. I decided to do it anyway, and it was a game changer. Immediately, my friends started posting how appalled they were at this dude.  My girlfriends took the opinion that the Universe got rid of him fast so that I didn’t have to put up with that garbage long. Several texted or commented on FB about how hot and beautiful and smart I was. “His loss,”they proclaimed. And I believed it.

The food was amazing … pulled pork on Texas toast, fried cubed potatoes and chipotle cheese grits!

My girlfriends are always amazingly supportive, but it was my guy friends that really cracked the crust of my insecurities. My friend Lisa called me and said her husband Artie ran outside where she was gardening and told her what had happened. She said he was so mad that he was literally shaking while he told her. He couldn’t believe anybody had treated me like that. I cried while she was telling me. I thought honestly that the whole ordeal was worth it if I got to feel so supported and loved as a result. The comments continued all day and until this morning, and I quickly forgot any thoughts of this being about me. I’m sure he didn’t have nearly as great of an afternoon.

I got up this morning and closed my Match account. It’s time for a break. The biggest loss of the day was the 2 minutes of time that I spent talking to him and the 15 minutes when my insecurities submerged me in an ocean of shame. The rest of the day was kind of fun. So, I’ll just thank him for the opportunity to see all the people that really do think I’m kind of nice and spunky and pretty and interesting. I’m not sure how much time he thinks it takes to build a relationship, but it’s more than two minutes. And I’ll just bet there are other times when he’s not good for more than two minutes either.  🙂

I’m meeting one of my girlfriends at La Madeleine. She told me not to worry … she’s excited about it. Have a great Labor Day, y’all … and steer clear of Italian5481. He’s not even worth 2 minutes of your time.


12 Comments on “The 2 Minute Date

  1. Your too dam good of a person to put up with that crap. I promise God has a PRIZE for you n your gonna know it when it happens. No one puts BABY in the corner. No one!!!

  2. I read that yesterday and thought what a jerk. I read it to my husband and he just sat there with his mouth hanging open. He responded, Who was that? He probably wasn’t really listening the first time, so I told it to him again. We were both shocked. Is this what the dating world has come to? I’m glad the rest of your day was great.

  3. I am so glad you made it into a blog post! You ARE fabulous and fierce and someone I admire.

  4. I think the universe wanted you to have a great lunch and feel loved! My stomach turns just thinking about having to screen thru all that on-line BS.

    • Yeah. Ridiculous. A friend of mine from MS met a girl from BR today from Match. She asked if he knew me and recounted the story. Apparently, the BR dating community is in an uproar, and my blog is making the rounds. A guy I met a couple of weeks ago took the time to email me and assure me that I made a wonderful first impression. Class act.

  5. What a wonderful outcome to a really crappy situation! I’m glad that you didn’t spend any more of your precious time either in the jerk’s presence, or feeling it had anything to do with you. I love that your friends, acquaintances, and even strangers in the community have rallied to your side! I can understand why it’s time to take a break from on-line dating. I have a feeling you’ll be meeting plenty of new friends without it 🙂

  6. Oh good grief! Crap like that is what made me decide to take a dating hiatus this year … Especially the one line stuff!

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