Surrendering to the Process

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Thus the whining begins.

My sister: And thus begins the long, cold descent into the black void that is winter…

Me: LOL. This is NOT winter. 

I do have on a long-sleeved shirt this morning, but I anticipate sweating when I come home at noon and maybe changing into a short-sleeved shirt. It’s 59 degrees out now. I actually wore a sweatshirt with my shorts this morning on my walk. We will get up to 80 degrees today. Do not mistake this as complaining. I am as happy as a clam… flittering like a butterfly … thanking God and Jesus and all the spirits on the other side. I am now on day 4 of not washing my hair. Life is damn good, and I am well aware of it.

I’ve been getting a lot of messages to surrender and let go… to go with the process. Let the Universe guide you and bring you what you need. For over a month, I’ve been hearing it … seeing it … feeling it everywhere. I want to make things happen. My type-A personality is a “get ‘er done” type of energy that takes the bull by the horns and deals with problems as they arise .. sometimes even before they arise. But I have a tendency toward needing to control the outcome. I need to know where things are going to make sure it happens the way it “should” happen in order to fix whatever mess I’m in. Surrender often means letting go of the outcome … quit trying so hard … R*E*L*A*X.

I was reminded the other day that surrender and letting go sometimes means something else. Sometimes we need to surrender to a process which means we have to DO something. I can easily let go of my writing career.. my non-existent one at this point. “I’ll let go, and, if the Universe wants me to write for a living, it can bring me a job!” Wow!! That was easy. I’ll go get an iced coffee and play on Facebook while the Universe finds that job and gets ready to hand it to me. I let that go! But, I’m getting corrected a bit that “letting go” and “surrendering” in this particular area may mean getting off my butt and starting to write and look for opportunities. I have to surrender to the process AND to the outcome.

When I was in the midst of my early work in recovery from codependency, I had to surrender. I had to understand I was powerless over my divorce, other people and whether or not I would ever be in a relationship again. I had to let those go. I had to RELAX and let it be. But the other surrendering I had to do was much harder. In order to stop getting into relationships that hurt me and get my life back, I had to start speaking up for myself. I had to say no when it would be so much easier to say yes in the short-term. I had do some really hard work looking at my past, writing it down, sharing it with others and making some hard changes in the way I interacted with the world. I had to really internalize that it was OKAY for people not to like or approve of me. It was NOT relaxing. But, I surrendered to the process and the outcome. THIS life that I have now was not what I anticipated, but it’s so much better than what I dreamed it would be.

There are a lot of changes going on inside of me right now. I can feel a transition happening. If I go back and look at the dates, I’ll bet I find that fall last year felt like this too. The seasons impact us. We are creatures of the earth. My sister is right in that we are now entering the free-fall to winter. That’s why they call it fall… DUH!!! And, winter, although not usually the happy, energy-filled time we’d like it to be, is necessary for spring to be an amazing rebirth of new life.

Winter is a time of reflection and cocooning. Fall is harvest time. It is the time when the leaves on the trees start to die and flutter to the ground. The natural year is coming to an end. We have a tendency to want to “get ready” during this time of year. I’ve been noodling going back to school, outlining a book, learning backpacking, and building a freelance career. I think I’m right on time, and I think I’m surrendering to the process. Now I just have to surrender to the process of driving to work. Have a great weekend!

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