“You Already Have the Key,” She Said.

stop banging

I started applying for some jobs online the last few days. The only thing I hate more than this is online dating. In fact, in many ways they are the same. Job descriptions and online profiles rarely paint an accurate picture of what you’re getting. Both are usually a vague and boldly optimistic fantasy of what the job/man would be like if we were in a perfect world where people were not involved. And in both cases, the resumes/emails are sent blindly across the airwaves into a technological garbage dump never to be seen by human eyes because they are really not looking or you are not using the right key words. The applicant (in both cases) is left with this horrible sensation that they are invisible, and there is no way to grab the attention of the would-be suitor. It’s horribly depressing.

rejection

I just had to be in the energy of all of that rejection for a few days before it got the best of me. I had my first job search meltdown yesterday morning. I let it happen, and my friend Lexlee happened to call me in the middle of it. I chatted with her a little about the root of my distress. It’s not really the fact that I lost my job that is so emotional although that’s a really big deal. I just hate the whole job search process. I am a sensitive person, and it’s so hard for me to navigate the inevitable rejection inherent in the process.

I have a few core patterns that really push my buttons. One of my biggest triggers is a scenario where I’m trying to get someone’s attention or am wanting to be accepted by someone and I’m not for some reason or another. A traditional job search is definitely that scenario. For me, it’s like walking into a fire and trying not to get burned. Lexlee offered to do some energy work with me today, and I eagerly agreed.

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During the session, she asked me to think about an event in my life where I’m on the outside trying to get in. I meditated for a bit, and a couple of scenarios came up. In both of these scenarios, I could see myself outside a room or a wall banging desperately to be let in. The people inside could or would not hear me, and I was left begging and crying on the outside, isolated and alone. When we debriefed later, this is exactly the scenario that she sensed, and we got to work on how to best shift that energy to something else that is better for my well-being.

Since this is an old, powerful trigger for me, it rocks me to my core. That feeling of being on the outside looking in is so “comfortable” for me that I often overlay it onto situations that are not like that at all. People could be busy doing something else, and they aren’t even aware that I’m trying to be a part of their circle. Their lack of attention could be a hundred different things that don’t have anything to do with me, but my trigger gets tripped and the same old story gets told. When I’m in that “energy”,  I get desperate and needy and afraid. Luckily, I know how to recognize it now, but for a very long time, I had no idea it was a trigger. I thought it was reality.

During our work today, Lexlee asked her guides to help us with transmuting this energy. She saw me banging on the door trying to get in. Finally, I simply looked down and pulled the key out of my pocket. “You already have the key,” she said. We laughed about that. All of that angst and fear for years and years, and I have the key right there on my person.

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When I got home, I let myself sit in the “energy” of possessing the key to the door. It shifted everything. If I have the key, there is no urgency. I don’t need to depend on anyone else to let me in. And it also struck me that if I have the key, I can choose whether to open that door or not. What freedom there is in that! I have had to learn that in romantic relationships and jobs and friendships. Just because someone is interested in me, it doesn’t mean I want to date them. Just because I’m offered a job, it doesn’t mean it’s the right one for me. Having the key changes everything.

People often ask me what I mean when I say I’m getting “energy work”. Today is a great example of why it’s important. I see the world totally different and can make different decisions when I’m in the energy of choice rather than the energy of desperation. I decided that I’m going to apply only for jobs (unless I change my mind) where I have networking opportunities that will lessen the risk of my resume going into a black hole. The experts say to do that anyway. Being in the energy of “choice” allowed me to decide to try a saner, more enjoyable approach. I may not apply for as many jobs, but I’ll have more personal connections and a better chance with the options I choose. I’m sure my strategy will evolve as I learn more, but that’s my lesson today. I already have the key. I can relax while I hunt for the right door.

2 thoughts on ““You Already Have the Key,” She Said.

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your job. I hate job hunting, and dating caused me much anxiety also.
    Your head seems to be in a good place, so I’m pretty sure you’re going to be fine. But you know that!
    Andy

    • Thank you, Andy. It does suck but there are already a few things percolating, and there seem to be opportunities for contract work in my field if I need to have money for the short-term. We’ll see how it turns out.

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