I am a Capricorn. In fact, I’ve been told by an astrologist that I have four houses in Capricorn. I’m not really sure what all that means, but they say it means that I am all about work, work, work. I’ve been told that I have to learn to play and find some balance although my play will often become as organized and structured as work. No matter what I do – yoga, meditation, eating healthy, hiking, running – I tend to approach it as a project to be managed, a skill to be learned or a concept to be mastered. It is my cross to bear but even the bearing is wildly interesting to me.
I was trying to find a topic to write about this morning, and I pulled a Medicine Card. I burst out laughing when I pulled the Fox. I have pulled the Fox card twenty times since I’ve been here. For a long time, I thought it was trying to tell me to be invisible. I hated it. It’s so against my nature to keep my mouth shut and fade into the background. Then my friend Leah suggested that maybe the card was trying to show me how much it is against my nature to be invisible. She suggested that the lesson was in my reaction to the fox energy. I became more curious about the message that fox brings me. Perhaps the medicine of fox is much more cunning than it would first appear.
A lot has happened in my life this past year. I can honestly say that I’ve changed. Some of it had to do with the backpacking and the feeling of confidence that it gave me. Some of it had to do with relationships that ended that needed to end. Even the ending of my last role at work taught me a lot about myself. While I felt I was in a holding pattern the first two years I was here in Louisiana School, I see now that I was just learning so that I could change into who I am today. Those first two years had me bound and gagged so I could look at myself, my innate reactions and the situations I was choosing. It was painful, but, man, was it informative!
A couple of my friends have told me lately that I’m the bravest person they know. I don’t feel brave at all. I’m filled with anxiety about mundane life things like getting into a relationship, entrepreneurship and choosing a place to live. I asked one of them why they think I’m brave, and she said because I travel by myself, go hiking alone, don’t avoid conflict at work and will move across the country at a moment’s notice. Hmmmmm …. okay. I’ll buy that those things may seem brave to some people, but they are the things I do with ease. I’m not really scared of those things! Is that bravery?
As I was noodling the message from the Fox card, I saw an article on The Weather Channel’s website about the mountain goat. “How Do They Do It?” the title reads. As a Capricorn, my sign is the mountain goat. I always related to the stubbornness of a goat. I could see that in my nature. But, one day, I spotted a mountain goat on the side of a cliff in Alaska. I was mesmerized by this creature that stood perched on the side of a monstrous cliff as if he was standing on solid ground. I wondered what characteristic I might have that is sure-footed in precarious situations. And I have often tried to channel that groundedness of the mountain goat when I felt I was hanging off the side of a cliff.
Mountain goats are made for this type of terrain. They have rubbery hooves that allow them to perch in places where their predators can’t go. Perhaps my unique makeup allows me to perch in situations that may seem inhospitable to some with a sense of ease. But, I’m totally uncomfortable and anxious in situations that others might find relaxing and quite normal. On solid ground, the mountain goat feels naked and afraid because of its vulnerability to predators. I can totally related to that paradox.
When I read Fox this morning, I had a totally different perspective because I’m in a different place now. It’s Fox’s nature to stand back and watch to see what he can learn. And, by doing this, he has this uncanny ability to predict what is going to happen. This is the power of fox. Yes, he’s silent and invisible, but it’s the knowledge that he gains during his surveillance that makes him a powerful foe. That resonated with me this morning. It took awhile, but I think I get it now. The message of fox is not that I need to be invisible – although that is part of the strategy. The message is that I need to observe my surroundings and learn from my experience. The knowledge I gain will become my advantage.
I’m not quite sure how to pull these messages together this morning. I know there is something I bring to the table with my innate nature, and then there are lessons I need to learn from the situations of my life. Perhaps I can focus on how to merge those things in my new role at work and in adapting to my life here in Louisiana. I really think I am just beginning again right now. In fact, I am sure of it. What was happening when I moved here has now ended. I am in a new era. I can’t wait to see what this “semester” brings.