I’m a little bit exhausted and a little bit full. I’m full emotionally from a weekend with good friends that I haven’t seen in awhile who were delightfully the same warm and loving friends that I’ve always known. One couple I hadn’t seen in 9 years. The other couple I’d seen briefly over the holidays but, before that, I hadn’t spent time with them in about 8 years or so. It was like old home week, and it felt really comforting.
Michael’s Custard in Madison…..
I love being in the presence (and in the homes) of my “no need to put on a show” friends. Joanne remembered my affinity for cards, and asked me if I was still doing them. I told her about my love of my Medicine Cards, and she and her family let me lead them in a meditation with their animal guides. Cheryl and Kenny brought me up to speed on their new hometown and how it compared to our mutual previous hometown of Memphis. It was good to see both of my friends’ imperfect homes and crash for a short amount of time in their space.
The drive home from Madison was brutal. What should have taken me about 4 hours took more like 6 with Chicago traffic and the rainy weather. I was beat when I got home not to mention craving a lot of bad food to comfort my traffic anxiety. Unfortunately, I gave in and ate a hamburger and fries that I regret eating, but I didn’t give in to having the shake that I also wanted to have. The weekend was a mixed bag of joy and stress for me.
In fact all of last week was a mixed bag:
- I haven’t been eating like I’d like to. I’ve been eating too much sugar again. It seems that I either have to eat none at all, or I eat way too much. I hate the way I feel when I’m eating too much of it.
- I spent too much money. I forgot that there were about $20 worth of tolls each way to Madison. I had budgeted about $200 for the trip and probably spent more like $400. It wasn’t major, but I hate to spend money on stuff like tolls.
- I tried to drink more water but I progressively got worse over the week. I have to do better at that. But it’s hard to do.
- I didn’t eat the shake tonight, and I really wanted to. I talked myself down by thinking about how much I’d regret it afterwards. I’ve promised myself I can have a smoothie later if I still want something creamy. Right now I’m having some yummy herbal tea.
- I stuck with my meditation practice. I even meditated as soon as I got in tonight to try to soothe my traffic anxiety. It really has helped.
- I did well on my exercise this week. I started doing some strength-training circuits this week and kept up with my walking. I didn’t do much over the weekend, but this week was pretty good for exercise.
- Buster has been throwing up a lot, and I finally got his food straightened out so that he seems to be better. His vomiting was causing me a lot of stress and worry, but I think I may have figured out he just needed a new food.
This week I want to continue my meditation, get back on track with my eating, drink adequate water and start a virtual boot camp program with Jessica. Tonight I watched Oprah’s video on the Weight Watchers site about failure not being an option. She says we will always have setbacks, but we have to remember self-care is a marathon. It was just what I needed to hear.
If I let myself be aware of my feelings, I’m sad. My former boss died last week, and he really meant a lot to me. He helped me last year at this time when I got laid off, and he was a good boss who encouraged me when I was having a hard time. He even offered me great suggestions when I was struggling personally and seemed to have a genuine concern about my well-being. I have a lot of sadness about that, so it’s probably no wonder I’m distracting myself with food and shopping. It also reminds me of the brevity of this life and creates this sense of urgency that I need to make something of my time here.
Maybe I need to be a little gentle with myself right now. I have a lot going on at work, and I’m taking on a rather innovative risk that brings up my fear of failure (and oddly enough a fear of success). I’m experiencing loss and grief. I’m continuing to adapt to my new environment and make new friends – and face rejection. Just like my week of setbacks and successes, my life is a mixed bag of good and bad at the moment. I need to hug my little curly-haired girl and assure her we will get through this just fine.
Y’all have a good week. If anybody wants to join in on the boot camp, ping me for the info. Anybody anywhere can join in. And if you are a feeling a little out of sorts, then be gentle with yourself, too. Act like you are your own best friend. We all need one.