Embracing the Ending

bridge

Endings….

I used to hate them. My octopus arms suctioned around the leaving object and fought for dear life. Bloodied and exhausted, I found the letting go a torturous bloodletting.

Life is full of losses. 

  • Friendships
  • True love
  • Worn-out barbie dolls
  • Beloved pets
  • Mentors and sages
  • Favorite earrings
  • A perfect job
  • Youth
  • Innocence
  • Coffee mugs reminding me of special memories
  • Trust in authority figures
  • Compulsions, addictions and other comforts that stop working
  • Financial security

Today, I see endings as an open door. I feared job loss my entire life. I believed that financial security would save me from utter despair. As a young woman I became whoever and whatever my company wanted me to be. It didn’t matter if I wanted the role or if I had a totally different vision of what it should be. I threw myself into  following someone else’s expectations. I was a blank slate upon which you could create. No wonder I hated losing something. It was my identity. You were my identity. What was I to do next?

I lost a job last year. I walked into the room with my current boss and an HR representative, and I found myself unafraid. The job didn’t work for me. I had brought myself to this one. I had my own vision. I knew what I wanted, and this wasn’t it. I told her it was a good decision, and I was happy for the opportunity to move on. I knew it had nothing to do with me. After gathering my belongings, I walked out the front door. I was shocked to feel nothing but relief. I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew I would be okay.

Life teaches us to let go. We let go of people, dreams, our youth and finally even our life. Even death is not an ending. It’s merely a transition.

 

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