The Reflection of Me

In this beautiful space with glass from the walls to the ceiling, I’ve had a change of perspective. Practicing on my lotus flower yoga mat, I was startled to see a reflection of myself in the glass ceiling. It felt weird at first to look down on my body. Eventually, it was a bit interesting.

Sometimes people tell me that I’m brave. I am often scared to death. I was worried about crossing the Mackinac Bridge. A co-worker said, “Is that the one where the wind blows cars off?” Yes, that would be the one. The locals tell me that is more folklore than reality. I was worried about getting stranded in the snow as I purchased my reflective lights, emergency candle, snow shovel and kitty litter. I was on the edge yesterday about driving on snow-covered roads and then really tense when I thought I lost the trail while snowshoeing. There are lots of scary things about being up here, and I’m certainly not unaware.

I’ve felt small this week. The U.P. is a huge, scary wilderness with very few people. Threats to my safety surround me. Just like on my yoga mat, I felt at times like I was watching myself from a distance. I questioned my sanity and my preparedness. I wondered why I am attracted to these sorts of things rather than to a girls shopping trip in a city or to sunbathing on a tropical beach.

I’m not a daredevil. I don’t seek out danger, but I love the freedom of being in nature. It is a spiritual experience for me to gaze on Tahquamenon Falls in solitude. And when I find myself at the end of a day where I conquered something I feared, I find myself thinking I was silly to ever be worried. And I wonder why everybody isn’t doing this.

I completed my 30-day yoga challenge in January, and I committed to practicing every day in February. Today, I did a practice for self-love. I have spent a lifetime not loving myself because I wasn’t a mother or didn’t have a successful marriage. Maybe I was never meant to be those things anyway. Perhaps I was trying to be “normal” when I wasn’t “normal” at all. What if I missed the opportunity to really embrace who I am because I was focused on mainstream ideals? In order to love myself, I need to let that go and embrace my life’s path.

When I turned 50, I promised myself that I would live my life more intentionally and make choices that better reflected my values. On that birthday I really looked at my life and wondered if I would like the choices I’d made when I turned 70 or 80 or 100. It is an act of self-love to follow my heart. I think I’m getting better at it. It’s messy sometimes, but I am liking the reflection I see in the mirror.

2 Comments on “The Reflection of Me

  1. You are awesome sharon. I read all your articles of Midlife Moments.You are an inspiration for me..Thank You for making a beautiful difference in my life.

    • Thank you, Leena. That makes me feel really special. Thank you for reading. Having people who count on me to write inspires me to keep on doing what I’m doing. So, it’s a win-win for both of us.

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