Last night was the first night I did not sleep.
Ever since I discovered magnesium, I have been sleeping through the night – coronavirus or no coronavirus. I stockpiled the stuff awhile back, and I take a teaspoon before I go to bed. Sleep like a baby.
The economic fallout has begun. The novelty of being home is wearing off. Bella has decided she has to attend all virtual meetings and is not happy with anything on the agenda. We laugh as she hisses, growls and spits at our discussions. She is the grumpy office cat. My direct reports are stressed. Fear permeates the humor and even, at moments, the gratitude. We are human after all. We can’t sort our fears into nice little boxes during the workday.
Our Medical Director hosted a talk yesterday, and I listened to the recording this morning. His thoroughness and clinical explanation comforted me. After listening I truly felt this crisis might not bring us to our knees. It will hurt, but there is a method to this social distancing madness. If we can flatten the curve, we could bypass the worst of this.
I ventured out for groceries and kitty litter yesterday. It was weird to be out during the Apocalypse. People were nicer. Normally a trip to the grocery wouldn’t promise much interaction, but even the woman behind the deli counter asked me how I was doing. I thanked her for helping us by being there and working. I’m tipping everybody I can and frequenting local restaurants for takeout. I’m lucky to be working and getting a salary. Sharing the wealth doesn’t feel optional.
Something weird was happening with me as I passed people in the store and in the parking lot. My radar went up. I measured the distance. Is it 6 feet? Are they too close? What if they have it? Are they a carrier? We might share a greeting, but I’m sure they were thinking the same thing of me. Is she safe? Where has she been? It seems that the farther I distance myself physically from others, the closer I feel emotionally. I worried about the senior citizens I saw. I worried about the man with a limp. We are all walking time bombs. The enemy is invisible, and it is in us.
I woke up at 3 AM in anxiety. Fear flashed through me that I could get this thing and die. What if? Denial is really not an option at this point. My health has become a public service. Your health is a public service. I feel a responsibility to exercise – and I did yesterday, indoors – and to eat right. I made a commitment to myself to do the only thing I can do. I can take care of myself and be no closer than 6 feet to others. The rest of it I cannot control.
Amazing what a difference a week can make. I stocked up this morning on 3 months of pet food and Ashok’s supplements. I have plenty of food including beans and rice if things head south. I don’t even know what tomorrow will look like. I think I’ll just try to stay in today, eat healthier than I did yesterday and maybe go for a run. Oh yeah, I won’t forget the magnesium. I need the sleep.
How is your adventure going?