So, it’s been a week since my “retirement” from Whirlpool. Note: Unless the Universe has other plans, I won’t be retiring. It’s more like a readjustment. I sort of like the word ‘reimagining’. My brain needs something to imagine or I’ll go crazy. My mind is like a super-highway for imaginings of fun things to do, catastrophes that might befall me and planning, planning, planning. And when I’m working, it’s always strategizing. My team used to get really nervous when I didn’t sleep and a 1:1 showed up on their calendar. They knew that I’d woken up in the middle of the night and had some new plan of what I wanted them to do. Meditation helps me manage the traffic flow, but my mind is a very busy place.
Now there’s nothing to plan. I got up Monday morning and felt super disoriented. I suppose I could start having 1:1s with my pets for planning purposes, but they don’t really listen to me. Monday was the first day that I felt like I was in a ‘readjustment’ with no real goal in sight. I know that I may as well rest a little. I have a couple of short camping trips scheduled with friends for the next couple weeks, so I’m not going to throw myself headlong into looking for employment or starting any major projects. All day my brain was nudging me. What should I think about? Is there a catastrophe I should worry about? I mean, other than a global pandemic and being ‘readjusted’. What about jobs? Remodeling the house? I jumped from one potential stream of consciousness to another but nothing was particularly urgent or absorbing. Like I anticipated, I feel untethered.
I decided on Tuesday to structure my day a little. That helped, and I established a better rhythm for the rest of the week. But it still feels super weird to not have a hundred things to strategize. I spend my time breaking up cat fights, going to farm markets to buy fruit, planning menus and exercising. I’m talking to a few people about future job opportunities but nothing super intense at the moment.
Ashok is very happy with the current situation. I’m home all the time, and we are walking more than once a day. On our evening walk yesterday, I was struck by a neighbor’s garden of daisies. That lovely little patch made me smile. And since I have nowhere to go and don’t have to get there fast, I stopped to enjoy that beautiful happy spot. As I walked away, I heard myself saying out loud, “I love it here. I really don’t want to leave.” Now I know I’ll do whatever I have to do, but I felt committed for a moment to an unlikely place. On that corner in January with the wind howling about me I might not be so mesmerized with Michigan. But in that moment I wanted to stay in the Mitten surrounded by friends, that beautiful lake and that specific little cheerful patch of daisies. In the moment I’m happy for the future to percolate, but I can’t wait to see what happens.
If you could reimagine your life, what would it look like? What small things speak to you every day? Where would you be, what would you do, how would your days unfold?