Subtle Shifts Matter

I learned to motivate myself by being hard on myself. You are a loser, so you'd better shape up. You're fat... better exercise and eat right. Nobody likes you, you'd better learn to be nice.¬†Being mean to myself doesn't motivate me. Yes, it might cause me to get started with some action, but the shame … Continue reading Subtle Shifts Matter

Taking the Path of More Resistance

I mapped out my 11-miler for Sunday morning. I just could NOT do another circular run around my house. During the week I have to stay close to save time, but why on earth would I trace the same steps again when I have the freedom to roam? I traced a beautiful route online through … Continue reading Taking the Path of More Resistance

Gratitude

What a glorious day my higher power hath made! What am I grateful for? I spent the day with Nancy who traveled with me through relapse, recovery, divorce and rebirth. She's one of those easy friends who totally gets my story and loves me through it. I am grateful for love in all kinds of … Continue reading Gratitude

Learning from Anxiety

I woke up this morning before the alarm. My jaw was clenched. My eyes felt wild and panicked, searching for something to fixate on. The back of my neck gripped onto itself. I knew I wouldn't go back to sleep. My animals started to stir, reacting to my movement. Anxiety, dammit.... Damn IT!¬† I've been … Continue reading Learning from Anxiety

The Grief of Alcoholism

I read this article yesterday from the New Yorker. David Sedaris writes about his zany, funny mother who was overtaken by alcoholism in her later years. She was the organizing factor in their family. But as the children left, she became more organized around the clink of ice in a glass. I was struck by … Continue reading The Grief of Alcoholism

Never Look Back

"Never look back," my Aunt Iris said to me as a 35-year-old recently divorced woman. Right before her 25th Wedding Anniversary party I found out she had been divorced three times. There was no one else in my family that had been divorced that I could talk to, so this was a blessed discovery. When … Continue reading Never Look Back

Wrestling Anxiety… I Win

I jolted awake. I could hear Buster throwing up in the next room. "Dammit," I said. Poor Buster. I got up and took care of him and cleaned up the mess. I hopped back in bed only to realize that I was wracked with anxiety. "Dammit," I said more loudly. First I was pissed at … Continue reading Wrestling Anxiety… I Win

Vulnerability Unearths Strength

With a birthday that's so close behind New Year's, it's hard for me to find a reflection point. I've already made a list of what I want for this year. I've already reflected on the past year. So, I searched for ways to celebrate your birthday on the worldwide web. That's where all the answers … Continue reading Vulnerability Unearths Strength

Sundays in Sawyer: Dancing With Darkness

It was dark when I left out this morning at 8 AM. Christmas lights sparkled red and green against the soft luminescent snow. The Winter Solstice is this week - Thursday to be exact. I love Solstice celebrations. When I think of the significance of lightness and darkness in our lives, it makes sense to … Continue reading Sundays in Sawyer: Dancing With Darkness

The Power of Gentleness

I chose a meditation this morning from my 10% Happier app that promised to provide focus. Sharon Salzberg was the teacher, and she promised to help me focus on the space between the breaths. I noticed my breathing was labored. I struggled with pausing between breaths. As soon as the exhale ended I was gasping … Continue reading The Power of Gentleness